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How real is the parkour in games?

February 16, 2020 | Articles, Blog | 100 Comments

How real is the parkour in games?


(synth music) – Frosti Fresh makes this look easy. But he knows better than anyone how difficult doing a stunt is. In real life or in a game. – ‘Cause it’s not just
what height you hit it. It’s what angle you hit it at,
what momentum you hit it at. It’s a very natural thing
when you’re doing it, but very hard to calculate it. – Frosti fresh is a
world-famous freerunner. He also served as Ubisoft’s
Chief Parkour Officer for recent Assassin’s Creed games. And he’s part of the reason why the movement in those
games feels so good. But parkour in games isn’t just a matter of strapping a mocap suit
on an expert like Frosti. When you dig into it, a lot of work has gone into
the animations, the gameplay, and the world itself to
achieve the ultimate feeling of flow.
– [Everyone] Flow. – That kind of elusive magical aspect where you can take momentum from one thing and turn it into something else. – Flow is a state of mind, a feeling of control that you get from trusting your body
and the world around you so you can just move
without worrying about whether you’ll be able
to make that next jump. – It feels so innate in
our bodies and our minds, and it connects to
something really, really, almost primordial in all of us. – Which is a hard thing to translate into a video game mechanic. How do you communicate a
feeling that’s so physical? – Usually, it’s details, like the music starting
to increase in tempo. – This is Henrik, a level designer on
Mirror’s Edge Catalyst, and he’s referring to the
game’s responsive soundtrack. – So when you run, we
have more percussion, if you stop still, we’ll
have (mumbles) chords. Basically, you control how the music plays by your actions in the game. – In “Sunset Overdrive”, every song is broken down into sub-mixes, and the layers are added
in as the action heats up. So even when you’re just
climbing up a building, you still get a feeling
of doing something epic. (rock music) That’s not to mention the
sound of wind blowing past you or the Doppler effect you get when you brush past some
chump stuck in traffic. (car horns) There are also visual effects that are so subtle you
might have missed them. “Mirror’s Edge” and “Dying Light” both give you tunnel vision when you’re really hitting your stride to help you focus your attention forward, while more comic book-style games give you actual motion lines
at the edge of the camera. In some cases, the camera bobs more as you pick up speed to give a greater sense of physicality. – All those small things together with a sense of flow or a
rhythm in your movements kind of all ties it together to give you an experience
that is kind of unique. – For “Mirror’s Edge Catalyst”, they had that rhythm down to a waltz. – The player has to do something or the ability to do
something every three seconds, otherwise you get bored or you
get overwhelmed by options. (synth music) (chimes) (synth music) (chimes) – This rhythm is key in
creating a sense of flow. And for keeping you from feeling too frantic or overwhelmed, which is especially important in games like “Assassin’s Creed” or “Dying Light”. – It’s like running on
top of the water surface. If you stop, guess what happen? So you can’t stop because
you gonna be killed. – Adrian and Bartosz are part of the team behind “Dying Light 2”, where every move is a difference
between life and death. When you’re in a flow state, you feel in control of your character, which gives you the confidence to escape a precarious zombie-filled situation. (character yells)
(zombie groans) Feeling in control isn’t so
hard in third-person games when you can always see yourself
and the world around you. But this becomes an issue
in first-person games when your body mostly just
comes down to your hands. – The hands for Faith in first person is, for the majority of the time, our only means of communicating
what she’s doing really. Unless you’re looking
down a lot while playing, which no one is. – [Jenna] So your character
is basically just a camera floating on an orb with hands sticking out like a creepy Mr. Potato Head. But first-person parkour games still give you the feeling of a full body. – So the character has weight. It’s not a camera moving
through the environment, but our character with
a weight, with physics, that has a body. – That weight comes form
making the animations feel as realistic as possible. – So let’s say for example
you’re going over a wall and opening a chest or something. Then you do capture them over
and over from every angle, and it’s a very weird thing to transition almost naturally from doing
aggressive parkour movements into like, and now I’m reveling this treasure. – Frosti’s talking about
contextual animations, which are easy to take for granted because they feel so natural
when you’re playing a game. For every input, the game is making dozens of calculations to figure out what animations should play. So when you press a
button to execute a jump, the game is checking
vectors like your speed, the distance to landing,
the angle you’re moving at, and much more, to prepare the appropriate
landing animation. But despite the variety of
physics-based animations, most of these games aren’t
really going for realism. Although the developers for
the first “Mirror’s Edge” tested out motion capture for Faith, they found it actually
looked too unnatural. – To use motion capture
on a first-person rig is like you, you sort of feel like
you move in molasses. It’s slower than you would
expect your player to move. – So instead, they created her every
movement in animation by hand. And because it was all
done with such attention, the developers could, well– – We could cheat a little because the FOV is limited so the hands can pop up
on the different spots or the body can move outside of the camera in an unnatural way, it still wouldn’t matter for the players. – [Jenna] Not just that, but parkour games cut a lot of corners when it comes to making the
gameplay more forgiving. – We fake a lot of things to
make it look nice or feel nice. Our job is to make you not know that we’re actually helping you out a bit. – And it’s my job to
expose these cool tricks so that we can better appreciate the hard work that went into them. See, Henrik’s talking
about helper systems, which most platforming
or parkour games use to improve the experience
of controlling a character. – One helper system was, you’re allowed to run a
little bit outside the ledge before you start falling. – This goes by a lot of names,
like “ledge assistance”, or more colloquially, “coyote time”. (roadrunner chirps)
(orchestral music) And it’s a common, if invisible
feature, in lots of games. Basically, you don’t start falling immediately after you stop
standing on the ground. There’s a grace period when you can still launch into a jump. And if you jump too early– – We predict where you gonna land. And if we see you just missing
the ledge for instance, then we can adjust that mid-flight, and kind of make you land
where you’re supposed to be. – In a first-person game, it’s easy to hide this because your perspective is so limited. But even third-person
parkour games still do this. “Sunset Overdrive” and “Assassin’s
Creed” use edge detection that snaps your character into place when it detects the right kind of ledge. It happens so naturally, you usually don’t notice
until you make a jump that’s a little awkward. It’s all in service of
keeping that feeling of flow. But if you’re like me, you probably thought you were
just good at these games. And this comes as huge blow to your ego. – We know that you will miss, but unfortunately, it
would look so unrealistic that we couldn’t help you. – Now you know that if you missed a jump and plummeted to the ground, you didn’t mess up a little, you messed up a lot. Flow doesn’t just play a part
in the body and how it moves, it also has a huge effect on
the design of the environment. – I call it hills and valleys. So usually when you enter a new place, you stand on top of a hill
looking down on the environment, and it’s a way of us
introducing a new area. – [Jenna] Not only does
this build a sense of pace, like the ups and downs
of a rollercoaster– – It’s also a good way of letting the player take
in this new environment and plan their steps ahead. – If you have a sense
of where you’re going, you don’t have to stop as
much to find your bearings. Which would seriously stutter your flow. The world for a parkour game needs to unfold slowly for new players to give them time to step up their skills. “Sunset Overdrive” starts out with areas that are relatively open, with long lines and easy bounces. As you get more movement
options and develop your skills, the levels get bigger. As you progress in “Dying Light”, more and more loot spawns on rooftops and those rooftops get
higher and higher up. The designers also need to
remove any ambiguous elements to cut down on the frustration of trying and failing to
interact with an environment. In “Dying Light”, every wall that you can climb
is no higher than 3.3 meters. – You don’t have to try, you have to know. This is our rule. – [Jenna] So once you’ve played the game and get a sense of the scale, you immediately know if you
can or can’t climb something. – By making it more directional,
making it more exploratory, it gives you a better sense
of you doing something even if you’re just holding
down the sprint button. – Basically, the more
active your character is, the more in control you feel. The more control you feel, the more connected you
are to your character. And all of this makes doing cool stunts feel super satisfying. A good parkour game makes me feel like I can
swing from buildings, break through glass windows, and confidently leap off Zeus’s ass. – I also think it’s what makes it fun. Because if all of the characters
that we played in games could just do what we could do, then we would just go
out and do it ourselves. – Well, speak for yourself, Frosti. (upbeat music)

True love is in sharing the small amount of food [2 Days & 1 Night Season 4/ENG/2020.02.09]


– How come my food isn’t here? / – I want one. – Your food is here. / – Great. (Food for third place is here.) We’ll take care of it now. – We waited for so long. / – It’s so fresh. (Where on earth is it?) – What is it? / – What? (Everyone stops moving.) – What is it? / – What’s that? Goodness. (What is going on?) The ceiling is opening. (The ceiling is opening.) (The ceiling starts to open up.) – What is it? / – What? (They can see the blue sky as the ceiling is open.) My goodness. Your meal is coming from the sky. – Goodness. / – “It’s Raining Men.” Goodness, it’s unbelievable. (It’s opening as if the dome cover is opening.) The ceiling for the eel restaurant can open like a club’s. – “It’s Raining Men.” / – You can do this on a show? Is this Ibiza or what? (It’s as cool as a popular club.) (Pungcheon Eels Club) Is this Ibiza or what? (Scream!) (They can’t help but dance.) (This is not the end.) – It’s coming. / – It’s coming. – Are these eels? / – Goodness. – Your eels are coming down. / – What’s coming? (Eels from the sky?) – What is it? / – Is something coming? What is it? (Something is coming down from the sky.) (Is that a UFO?) (The UFO is coming down to the eel restaurant.) The production crew prepared for so much just for that. (Food delivery by the highest drone technology) – Goodness. / – That’s all? (The delivery is precisely done.) – It’s going away. / – Goodness. You got the drone just for this? Goodness, it’s unbelievable. (The drone is flying back to the sky.) Goodness, it’s really cool here. Gosh. It’s great that we ended up in third place. – That was special. / – What is it? (What kind of food is inside the bag?) I love it. (Smiling) (Eels buns, Gochang’s specialty) Let’s save them for later. Eel bread. You put so much effort into giving just these buns. (The roof is closing again.) It’s high technology. We should do it too. The wrap is coming from the sky. Put it in my mouth. Goodness. Here. (Delivery is done.) I hate this team. (It’s delicious.) I’m having a war against this team. We can use the fire, right? – What? / – Let me grill these. – All right. / – These are too cold. – They got it somewhere here. / – It’s all frozen. – They must have gone cold. / – They’re cold as ice. (Tired) We will provide you a side menu – to have with your eel buns. / – You have a side menu? – Is that a bone? / – What’s that? – I like this. / – Me too. (Eel bones are rich in calcium and iron.) (After an hour of waiting,) (they finally get to eat eel bones.) It’s so savory. (He’s content.) – It’s so savory. / – I already ate it. You’re eating so well. Please feed me those greens. (He’s still hungry.) Could you? Ssamjang too. Nice. (There’s only ssamjang on the lettuce.) Here. (He eats well.) Like this. Here. (He devours the greens.) Here. What are you eating? – What are you eating? / – Are you a goat or what? Could you give me a large piece? – Should I cut it in half? / – A big one. Let’s have some eels too. – Feed me, too. / – Right. Hurry up. I’m feeding you, so how could you not feed me? I’m sorry. How about we give them a tail – if they recite an acrostic poem? / – Feed me first! (He looks so happy.) – About what? / – An acrostic poem? Pungcheon. I’ll make one with “Pungcheon jangeo”. – Really? / – “Pung”. I heard they’re amazing. – “Cheon”. / – Look at these eels. – “Jang”. / – They’re wonderful. – “Eo”. / – Shall I have a piece? That was good. (He’s quite witty.) Okay, okay. We’re partners. – Really? / – We need to split it. – Split it with your mouths. / – I already ate it. A bite each? Bite down on this part. (Seonho approaches without any hesitation.) (DinDin closes his eyes.) (This is better) (than the candy kiss or the foam kiss.) (This is the eel kiss.) Is this necessary? (The eel is split in half.) Did you do it? Let’s eat the side dishes. (It’s irritatingly good.) – It’s so fat. / – It is. It’s so fat. I’ve never had such a fat eel before. (Laughing) Could you give us some porridge if you’re not going to have it? – Have some together. / – Thank you. – Are we allowed to? / – Yes. Excuse me. We’d like to compete for the porridge. Come on. (They’re flabbergasted.) Be conscientious, will you? I’m too hungry to be so. You’re just too greedy. We’re at war with this team from the morning. We’re really not getting along. (Team Savage vs Team DinSeon) (The winning team is just having fun.) – So what. / – It’s a war.

All my Steam games: Future Game Plays | Give Your Suggestion Please- 2020!


I’m not showing one game because I’ve asked for a refund, already installed it, it was saying 70 minutes, but I couldn’t pass the menu Tomb Raider goty and Xcom Enemy Unknown with all dlcs are two excellent games, I haven’t played Tomb Raider yet Ark Survival Evolved is an awesome game, it’s my favorite on this genre A friend gave me this game, it’s like I always say, it’s nice to have friends 😉 I got this game for free on Steam, I have the previous game on DVD, it must be amazing Now, I can say I have all Dark Souls games for pc, 1, 2 and 3 🙂 If you like space strategy games, it is less than 1 Euro lol This game was another good deal and it’s amazing This game looks like Total War, but it’s different, it’s much more strategic A friend offered me this game with soundtrack, it’s a very nice game, I have game plays on my channel This is another great strategy game, the battles don’t have awesome graphics, but it has a lot of management, I love this game so much Another nice gift, this game is different, I like it The famous Player Unknown Battlegrounds PUBG, it’s a great pvp battle royale shooter, I can’t wait to play it It comes with access to 2 servers Resident Evil 0/Biohazard 0 HD Remaster Resident Evil Revelations 2 another awesome game! Resident Evil 5! My favorite is 4, but I have it for ps2 and also in DVD, I now have all Resident Evil 1-5 Who didn’t play this game? Always entertaining, ah good memories Civilization VI with the Titan Atlas as background picture, it’s a very good game Another game that I want to play soon. This War of Mine XCom Enemy Unknow is a strategy game for turns, you can develop the skills of your team, research better weapons, defend your planet. What are you waiting for? It’s cheap 😉 I have bought many other games, but for pc you need to create a lot of accounts, GTA V is one of them I have heard good things about this game, Witcher 3, but it wasn’t free, I had to buy it first and register on another account Another nice game, almost for free, Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor with 21 dlcs 😉 Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag, friends told me it’s awesome, explore the seas, become a pirate 😉 I’ve bought Far Cry 3 but I cannot play offline? Or at least to launch the account (another one) I must have internet 🙁 The Long Dark, this is my favorite game, buy it to help Doctors Without Borders and also Tree Canada to help plant trees. It’s an awesome game, developers are always updating the game with more content Leave a suggestion or any other game for me to make game play if it’s not too expensive, I hope you like my games friend 😉

Season 15, Episode 14 – True Colors | Red vs. Blue


Caboose: Yeah, so I was in the middle of a story and then our ship crashed and Washington said we were marooned, but everyone looked like their normal colors to me, so I think he probably just had a concussion. Loco(Offscreen): Woah, this story is so awesome. Caboose: Yeah, and then I found Freckles. Did you find any double-a batteries? Loco: I asked, sorry, no luck. Then what happened on singing planet? Caboose: Well, then these pirates showed up – Loco (Offscreen): Pirates? No way! Did they have a lot of peg-legs? Caboose: No, but one had a shark for a face Loco: This is the best story in the history of stories. Why were the pirates there? Caboose: I’m pretty sure there were there after Tucker’s family jewels. Cause, you know he’s always talking about how valuable they are and how everyone badly wants them, so it makes sense. Loco: They didn’t get them though, right? I hope there’s a happy ending. Caboose: Yeah, well this company called Shargon Infinity showed up, it made all freckles brothers and sisters like… like, super bitchy. And then, of course Church had to die to save us all. Loco: Your best friend died? Caboose: No, it’s okay, it happens all the time. Loco: That-that-that is the saddest ending ever. Caboose: Yep, that’s why we are all going to rescue him. Loco: Right, you should be able to see your best friend. Maybe I can help. Hmm, what if I could show you a door? Caboose: Ah, you want me to leave now. Loco: No, it’s not a ‘door’ door. It’s a DOOOOR. Doors go to places, but not all doors. This would be a special door. Caboose: Ah, so like a window. Loco: Eh… Caboose: … but with longer. Loco: No, not really. Caboose: Ah! So like a sun roof. Loco: Ehhhh… Loco: No. Caboose: Ah, yes, like a metaphor. Only I can walk through it. Loco: Kind of warm, but that’s not really what I had in mind. Caboose: A metaphor for –
Loco: No. Caboose: That will take me through a journey where I will learn a lesson! Loco: Colder. Caboose: And then there will be a payoff … and everyone will love me! Loco: Yes! That’s it, e-except… not at all. Caboose: Wher-wher-where would it go? Loco: Getting warmer. It’s not about where. See once the Quatum Matrix synchronizes with their nano-quota meters the entire wormhole will resonate backwards. Then, we just need trajectories. Caboose:Ah words. Caboose: Yeah, you’re pretty smart, aren’t you? Loco: Eh, I just kind of … imagine things and build what I see. Caboose: Ah, so you didn’t go to school for any of this? Loco: No, actually, I was raised by wolves. … in the forest. They were much more into homeschooling. Sarge: Well, that’s a hard question you asked there, my friend. Don’t rightly know what it is. I’m feeling at the moment I suppose… old Sarge: Well, I know I still look like a spring chicken, cluck-cluck. Heh heh heh But, I’m actually more like a rooster who’s lost his teeth. I don’t rightly know how many more chances I have to go out in a heroic blaze of glory. Sarge: You don’t need to remind me. Sarge’s war on gravity, Sarge’s war on whites… It’s all hogwash, Lopez, hogwash I tell ya! But I’m a soldier and soldiers need conflict, orders, a chain of command. Now these Blues and Reds come along and offer me everything. It’s almost too good to be true. Simmons: Yeah, you’re right. I thought I was looking for someone like me, but now I don’t know what to think. You know, maybe friends are like magnets after all. I was so mad at him for so long, but now I don’t know I mostly feel Regret? Like, is he Mc. Skat Kat and I’m Paula Abdul? Sarge: You know, Lopez, that is a fantastic point. An opportunity like this is a rare thing indeed. Like they say don’t go staring a gift horse in the mouth. Or a Trojan horse in the butt. Hopeless odds, sneak attacks, field promotions? This is a dream come true. I know what I have to do and that Is to be a soldier, damn it! YOLO! Donut: How does it make me feel? Well… Sometimes I feel like people barely acknowledge my presence I’m like a fabulous ghost. Tucker: Yo, what the fuck are you Reds doing? We scheduled a secret meeting, and you’re all taking naps? Simmons: Well, Tucker, maybe I was feeling … lazy? Tucker: Are you…. are you ‘Grif-ing’ me right now? Is he ‘Grif-ing’ me right now? Donut: Oh! Now you want to talk to me. Tucker: Okay, guys listen up. Now, I don’t want to alarm anyone, but I’ve put a lot of thought into our current situation And I’ve come to the conclusion that something weird might be going on around here Doc: Really? I don’t know everything seems perfectly normal to me. Tucker: If everything’s normal, then where the heck are Carolina and Wash? Simmons: Huh, Gene said they went out this morning to buy shoelaces. And there was a really long pause before he finally said ‘shoelaces’. – And we’re wearing boots. Tucker: That’s suspicious. Simmons: Well, I definitely don’t trust that Gene guy. Anyone who’s acting that squeaky clean must have some deep dark secrets. Tucker: Dylan was the only one looking into this, and I haven’t seen her since. Donut: Oh, the reporter? She’s tied up in the basement. Tucker: She’s WHAT!? Donut: She’s tied up. I saw her while Cronut was showing me his fur-suits. Simmons: Wait, are you serious? Why the hell didn’t you say something sooner? Donut: I didn’t know you cared! See, Cronut’s more of a fox, while I’m naturally a wolf. Tucker: Not the fur-suits, Donut. The reporter! Donut: Who knows what she’s into? I’m not a kink-shamer. Doc: Don’t worry about her. Heard she and Jax are just remaking Pulp Fiction. That’s all. Tucker: Hmm, what about you, Caboose? You’re spending all your time with Loco. Any idea what the heck he’s building? Caboose: Um, it’s a door and a laser. Y’know, sometimes he starts explaining it but then he starts laughing, and keeps laughing, and *Evil laughter* Y’know, it’s a metaphor. Tucker: That is suspicious as fuck. Doc: But guys – Tucker: No! That’s the last straw. I hate to even suggest this, but it’s time we found out if the Blues and Reds are actually bad guys. Simmons: But how? Tucker: Subtlety, my dear Simmons. Simmons: Not exactly our specialty, is it? Tucker: Watch and learn. Are you bad guys? Temple: Well that’s all a matter of perspective, isn’t it Tucker? Tucker: Ha, gotcha! That’s exactly the kind of thing bad guys say! Oh, holy shit. You’re really bad guys, aren’t you? Temple: No. What we’re doing is right, Tucker. I thought you would see that by now. We are simply planning revenge on those who used us, those who turned us into training dummies for super soldier target practice! Simmons: Project Freelancer. Tucker: We already dealt with them, if you didn’t get the memo. Temple: No. You’re wrong about that. Everyone in this room was drafted or volunteered to fight for the UNSC. They sold us to Project Freelancer like cattle, they used us, they destroyed our lives, and they haven’t been made to pay for what they’ve done. Don’t you give a shit about that? Simmons: Eh. Water under the bridge. Sarge: Men, don’t you see this for what it is? It’s an opportunity to fight a war we can’t possibly win! It’s everything we’ve always wanted! Tucker: Is it a pair of Scandinavian twin sisters in a waterbed? Cause otherwise no it ain’t. Buckey: Boom chicka wow-Tucker: Shut up! Listen temple, you obviously love the sound of your own voice So why don’t you use it to tell us where the fuck our friends are? Temple: You all have such an interesting choice of friends, don’t you. Your freelancer buddies are killers And we’re dealing with them appropriately – for our own safety. Tucker: Oh, you backstabbing son of a bitch! Temple: Backstabbing? Take a look in the mirror! Your teams were used and beat up by Freelancers, same as us, And you make friends with them! Your teams were used and sold by the UNSC same as us, and you posed for their fucking photo ops! You’re the traitors, you’re the villains, you fucking cockbites. Temple: Shut the fuck up, and prepare to eat sword! Loco: Hey, why is everyone fighting? I thought we were friends! Temple: Sorry Tucker, but I can’t let you kill me. I still have important business on Earth. Tucker: Don’t give a fuck. I’m going to kill you so hard, you’ll wish you were dead. *Energy sword activates* Temple: Hold your fire. Let’s try the easy way first. Sarge: Simmons, Lopez, for the sake of their own safety I order you to take the Blues under arrest! Simmons: What? Tucker: Stand your ground. We saved Chorus. We shut down Freelancer. We can handle a handful of Sim trooper clowns. Temple: *laughs* You can’t win. We’re stronger than you. Just give in. Tucker: Yeah. You and what army? Temple: So glad you asked. Surge: Reds assemble! Blues deploy! [trumpet] Grunts: Glory! Our day of victory draws near! Surrender now or face our holy vengeance! Simmons: God damn it. Every time we say that they always end up having an army! Tucker: Son of a bitch. Temple: As you can see we haven’t just been tracking down Freelancers. You know your teams, ironically, are the only Reds and Blues left who have yet to join us. You know I truly did admire you all once, so I’ll offer you one final chance. Tucker: The fuck are you doing, Doc? Doc: Give it up, Tucker. Tucker: What? Doc? We’ve been through so much! Doc: We sure have! You guys used me as a bargaining chip in Blood Gulch, before you got bored and cast me out to live in a cave! Then you left me to the mercy of the Meta, then you abandoned me in Valhalla, then you didn’t even notice when I got sucked into another dimension on Chorus, and *O’Malley voice* nearly lost my – sorry something in my throat – nearly lost my mind. Simmons: No way, when did that happen? Doc: My point exactly! You guys treat me like a leper. Just hoping some time in the brig might teach you some manners. Tucker: Fuck it. I don’t need any of you. Simmons: Drop it, Tucker. Tucker: Ah, goddamnit. I thought you were Simmons again. Simmons: I am Simmons. Drop the gun. Tucker: Caboose? What the fuck? Caboose: Oh, I’m sorry. Is this just something we’re not all doing now? Red grunt: GG everyone, GG. Tucker: You assholes are un-fuckin’-believable. Sarge: Quiet prisoner. Tucker: We fought alongside each other for fucking years. How can you just turn your backs on us like this? Sarge: It’s like Temple said. You’re turning your back on us! We’ve got a war to win, Blue, and until you’re ready to play ball we’re sticking you in the dugout! Only this dugout’s got steel bars, and a toilet in plain view of everyone. Simmons: Yeah, that’s right. Tucker: You, Simmons. You’re the worst of all. Didn’t you hear a word in there? Simmons: I only heard my orders, you dirty Blue. Sarge, to Surge: Did I ever tell you about the time I got recruited to join the ODST? Simmons: Psst. Tucker: Psst yourself. Simmons: No, psst, Tucker, I’m still a good guy I’m just acting bad. Tucker: Wait, really? Simmons: Yeah dude, those people are evil as fuck. I figured our chance of escape would be better if I played along. Tucker: Ohhhhh. Great idea. Caboose: Oh yeah! We’re pretending we’re bad guys until you give us the signal. Simmons, you are so smart. Sarge: Say what now? Surge: What did he say? Simmons: Oh, Caboose! Caboose: Is that the signal? Simmons: Run! Sarge: Where are you guys going? The dugout’s the other way! Tucker: Quick, in here! Dammit, there’s no lock! Caboose: Hooray, we are trapped Tucker: Fuck, dead end. Simmons: Great idea ducking in here! Tucker: We didn’t have a choice, asshole! Sarge: I order you idiots to open this door! Simmons: You don’t get to give orders if you’re on the bad guys side. Sarge: Damn. I didn’t concede to that. Tucker: Ah, we’re screwed! Simmons: Let’s just think about this, Tucker. There’s got to be something we can use. Caboose: Yeah, like if there was only something that happened to be behind all these torpedoes! Simmons: Torpedoes? Holy shit torpedoes! Long range, too – they must be the Base of Defence’s! Tucker: Oh great, so we can blow up the place. That doesn’t exactly improve our situation! Simmons: We need to call for help. Tucker: Who’re we gonna call? The fucking ghostbusters? Caboose: That is a great idea! Who are those people? Simmons: Come on, give me a hand, Tucker. We need to write a note, but I don’t see anything to write on! Caboose: Ooh! Send me. Simmons: You won’t fit! If we remove the warhead, we’ll only have about a basketball’s worth of space in here. Ugh, we’re screwed! Sarge: Freeze! That was the most pathetic excuse for an escape that I’ve ever seen! Simmons, I expected better from you. What the Sam Hill did you do to your robot?

Game Theory: Video Games Predict YOUR FUTURE!

January 22, 2020 | Articles, Blog | 99 Comments

Game Theory: Video Games Predict YOUR FUTURE!


Video games have predicted your future;
you won’t like it. Hello, Internet. Welcome to Game Theory. Rearrange the letters in our name and you get: GyraTe me ho. Think about that for a minute. And think about this: Videogames . … … … … … … Videogames are … … … … … Videogames are fascinating! With your help, this show is already
united practically every gaming universe, into one shared canon. But today,
I wanted to approach the topic from a different angle. If we were to create a timeline of
every single game based on when its story takes place,
which one would be set furthest in the future? You’ll find out the answer here in a few minutes, but what I stumbled across
while doing this little exercise was even more fascinating. You see, by lining up the games,
patterns started to develop. And in this case, video games
from entirely different franchises all seem to predict the same things happening
at about the same time in the future. In short, the video game industry —
through their shared predictions — has unintentionally created a sort of
“Gamer’s Mayan Calendar”, that provides a disturbingly clear prediction of what
will happen to you, to Earth, and to life as we know it in just a couple short centuries. Consider this a Spoiler Alert: For Your Life! Before we get into any fortune-telling,
let me point out that video games predicting the future is nothing new.
Look at Smash TV! I- I said Smash. Set the year 1999, but released in 1990,
this insane run-and-gun arcade game successfully predicted the rise of reality television, a decade before Survivor’s Richard Hatch ever
“bore it all” in Borneo. Now if only Mutoid Man was selected to
hand out roses as the next Bachelor? Now THAT would be some must-see TV! Other Accurate Games: Before they became solid, the early 90’s had Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake predicting a fuel producing algae able to replace gasoline. Sure enough, in 2012, algae fuel started to roll out at four gas stations in San Francisco. But the most accurate example,
is also the most unsettling; as Deus Ex predicted the 9/11 attacks
a year before they happened. The game’s interpretation of the
New York skyline had the twin towers noticeably absent. This was the result
of the game’s memory limitations. But the cover story they wrote in the game?
That the World Trade Center’s had fallen as the result of a terrorist attack. What started off as a workaround
for memory limitations, ended up foreshadowing the worst moment
in America’s recent history. Eerie. And definitely dark. But not nearly as dark as what’s going to happen to us, if the rest of these predictions come true. Here’s what we can look forward to. We begin in a future not very far from our own:
The 2020’s. Where we find the lines between
what is human and what is robot, are beginning to blur. On one side,
Mega Man and Proto Man represent science finally creating the world’s first
truly humanoid robots. Concurrently, nano-technology continues to evolve, notably in the little-known Nano Breaker, set in 2021. Six years later — 2027 — the technology is ready, and the world of Deus Ex: Human Revolution
comes to life, whether you asked for it or not. Fusing man with machine, upgrading ourselves to superhuman status, and polarising the world in a debate about the ethics of human augmentation. Over the next few years our
enhanced selves and robot partners get put to the test against
a new breed of self-proclaimed super criminals in Captain Commando, and
biologically enhanced rebels in games like Haze. But, all in all, life is peaceful. For about a decade. Then comes the 2030’s, when
technological progress slams to a halt. Overwhelmingly, games predict that
sometime between 2030 and 2080, the world will be crippled by a lack of fossil fuels. Some desperate countries will
turn to space for a solution. Carnage Heart, Machine Hunter,
Tobal No. 1, Red Faction, even Halo all see Mars being colonized
during this critical time. But, while some other countries explore new worlds, others stay focused on this one; becoming locked in wars for domination
over the natural resource supply. Killzone 2 and Fallout both
depict the need for petroleum sending the world into a nuclear apocalypse. Star Ocean: The Last Hope calls it World War III. 2077 is the breaking point, as the US and China desperately lash out against each other, and the confused world releases
a flurry of panicked warheads. Scared civilians literally bury themselves to survive. Once facing the endless possibilities of space, humanity is forced to hide underground in Fallout’s vaults and Metro 2033’s subway to avoid the RADIOACTIVE CHOAS. But the situation goes from bad, to worse, as humanity must turn on itself. Shortly after the nuclear apocalypse, mutated viruses begin to take over survivors,
living and dead. By 2079, whether you believe in
Fallout or Krush, Kill ‘n’ Destroy, the new enemy becomes your infected
neighbors, friends, and family. Thus begins a dark period in games. I could only find a handful of titles taking place during this post-apocalyptic period
between 2090 and the early 2100’s. The games, like the underground civilians,
just seemed to hide… waiting to return to the surface.
The few games I did manage to find, like Warzone 2100, Metal Warrior
and Battlefield 2142, all tend to feature the rebuilding of societies
and battles involving mech suits; since, you know, it would be unsafe for humans
to walk around on the surface unprotected. Unless they wanted a third eye. … … … Unless they wanted a third eye. Or a tail. But by the mid 2100’s the radiation has subsided, and a newly humbled human society
slowly starts to return to the surface, trying to piece together a civilization, and still searching for a solution to their limited resources. And that solution comes from outer space. Remember all the mining operations on Earth and Mars prior to The Great War of 2077
and subsequent nuclear fallout? Well, as we struggle to find resources,
they’re back in action, and they’re starting to find more than just fuel. Beginning around 2150, alien artifacts
start to pop up around these dig sites, causing some pretty serious side effects. 2145: employees on Mars start to go insane,
as depicted in Doom 3. 2148: Mass Effect has us finding
Prothean technology on Mars. 2214: Dead Space’s “Black Marker”,
a dangerous alien artifact, is found by Earth’s government in the deserts of New Mexico. Truly, we are not alone. And no game makes this clearer than Mass Effect,
where the aforementioned discovery leads us to faster-than-light travel
faster than you can say: “I’m Commander Shepard, and
this is my favorite store on the Citadel.” Within a year of faster-than-light travel,
we find that Pluto isn’t a chunk of ice at all, but rather the equivalent of an interstellar bus stop. Who knew! And by 2186, we’ve successfully joined
an alien council, killed an alien council, and destroyed the galaxy-wide railroad
with your choice of colored beam. Left without the ability to travel
from Star System to Star System, surprise, it’s Halo that picks up the slack; reinventing the Prothean technology we just lost. With the Shaw-Fujikawa slipspace drive in 2291, once again opening the universe
up for exploration with faster-than-light travel. But this time, the universe isn’t so eager to see us. Whether it’s dismembering Necromorphs
in the Cygnus System in 2508; fending off the dual onslaught of Flood and
Covenant on a ring world in 2525; or wielding the power of a well-executed Macarena
against extraterrestrial Teletubbies in 2499; I think we can all agree opening the door to space, simultaneously opened a dangerous can of worms. So, to summarize:
2020’s, Technological Progress; 2030’s through ’80’s, resource wars; 2090 through 2140, waiting underground; 2150 to 2300, emerging from the ground
and making alien contact; and 2300 – 2500, alien wars. But you know what I find truly
fascinating about this? That’s it. We’re left with an earth defending
itself against toe touches and tea bags. In a medium where game designers
can make any world they want to come to life using a few zeros and ones, depictions of our future tend to stay
within the first half of this millennium. Granted, the order of events coincides well
with what real world researchers are already saying. Right now, robots are moving more freely by the day, and within 10 or 20 years we should see
our own Rock Man and Roll. Regarding a resource war,
some experts speculate that 2060 may well be the date we deplete our petroleum reserves; a date that just so happens to be smack dab
in the middle of the range video games predict. And remember the 30-year dark period where we theorized survivors were waiting underground? Fallout from a nuclear apocalypse can take anywhere between a few months and a few
decades to dissipate back to safe levels. So a 30-year hibernation of human society
would actually make a lot of sense. But all that aside, what happens
in the year 3000? 4000?? 100,000?! This is where games can truly speculate,
and sadly don’t. Jump ahead 2,000 years now and Neo Contra shows us Earth as a world devolved into a prison planet; jump ahead another 3,000 and
you no longer have Earth, but instead Lost Jerusalem…an abandoned planet no longer appearing on star charts
in the Xenosaga story. Oh, and that game set furthest in the future? The clear winner is BoomBots,
set the year 15 MILLION BILLION. Never heard of BoomBots? To summarize, a group of aliens called
the Feline Alien Research Troop, or FART, for short, invades Earth and steals all our cats. So we create the
Boombots Underground Technology Team, or BUTT team, to stop them. Yeeeaaahhh. So, after years of hardship, rebuilding and defending our homes
against outside invaders, we have this to look forward to. Gr-r-reat. War. War never changes. It just involves more cats and lamey joke acronyms. In total, the take home message today isn’t
whether or not these predictions come true, it’s that video game victories are short-lived. It’s easy to think of these games existing in vacuums, and that when you beat the final
boss and the credits roll, you’re done, you’ve saved the universe. But the thing to remember is that, really, you’re just playing out a chapter
in a much larger timeline, consisting of all other video games. Sure you may have won the day this time, but
Dr. Wily will be back next week with a new plan. The Deus Ex guy will still be complaining
about never asking for this. Each and every victory will be short-lived. And eventually all of them will lead to
the cat aliens taking over. And maybe, just maybe, as a future human goes to
bow before his Feline Overlord, he’ll find this video and smile, knowing that someone millions and billions of years prior
was thinking of him… and thinking about his place in
the grander scheme of things. But hey, that’s just a Theory. A Game Theory! Thanks for watching! Welcome back to the SUPER _
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TOURNAMENT! Where last episode the response in the comments
from you guys was overwhelming! Seriously, I cannot explain to you
how awesome it was to see fans from all around the world getting into the contest. It made me so tremendously happy,
and I hope you all enjoyed it too. That said, it’s time to announce the winners,
and — let’s face it — you’re all winners. But some of you more than others. And those others are: Japan with 77%; Belarus with 85%; Taiwan with 92%; Ukraine with 93%; Martinique, Russia, Armenia, India and China,
all with 100%. And a special shout-out goes to America,
who really stood no chance in this contest — I knew that going in — but crushed everyone in absolute numbers. Anyway, enough looking backwards.
It’s time to look towards the future. Question of the Day:
Which version of the future
would you like to live in most? Metroid, Fallout or Mass Effect? Click on one to choose, and I’ll
make sure that your choice gets sent along to Santa Claus, so that maybe
you can get your wish this Christmas. Hey, have you subscribed yet? You should! — Subtitles by cloudrider7 —


I’m Back! It’s the Grinch! “It’s the Grinch!” What are you doing here? You lost our Christmas
challenge fair and square. Yeah, you’re supposed to
go back to Mount Crumpit. Cindy Lou, you were
a cheater last time. There’s no way you
could’ve done that gingerbread house
all on your own. [Sparkling] How’re you doin’ over there? [Silly music] I mean where did you
get all these supplies? [Sparkling] A cheater? Me? No way! I want a rematch, or this time, I’ll ruin Christmas once and for all! Grinch, that’s not very nice. “That’s not very nice!” Cindy Lou won fair and square. But I know she can
beat you again… [Boing, boing, boing] If I win, I get
to ruin Christmas, but if you win, It’s back
to Mount Crumpit for me. I can beat you with
my eyes crossed and my hands behind my back. Yeah right Grinch,
this girl’s gonna win. [Ding] [Bell ring] Cindy Lou, who won the first
“Girl vs Grinch Challenge” but now he wants a rematch. Oh yeah. Comment below and tell us who you think’s gonna
win this round. The Grinch… [Funky music] Or, Cindy Lou! [Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy] This challenge is a
Christmas Dance-Off [Upbeat music] Let’s see who’s
got the best moves. You think this little
girl’s gonna win a dance challenge against me? Oh snap Grinch,
I’m gonna beat ya. Alright, let’s get
this party started. [Classical music changes
to dance music] [Music changes to Dance
of the Sugar Plum Fairy] Enough of this
boring ballet stuff, let’s get back to
the good music. [Radio tuner changing] [Salsa music] [Radio tuner changing] [Classical ballet music] [Pop music] [Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy] [Dancing music] You think you got
moves like these? You ain’t got
nothing on me girl! [Tinkling] [Slow motion tinkling] [Lullaby music] Hey Grinch, you’re tired
you need to take a nap [Grinch snoring] [Dance music] Wake up Grinch! Shake it off! Shake
it off! Shake it off! Okay Fun Squad, this
one’s up to YOU. It’s a tough one!
Comment below and tell us who you think has
the bestest moves. Vote for me! Don’t let me down, “Grinch Squad.” Make sure I win this one. Grinch I challenge you
to Frosting Cookies. Frosting cookies? Why
I was the champion of Mount Crumpit my senior year. You might win but
I’m pretty good. [Upbeat music] [Jazzy music] Before we get started I
gotta put some gloves on or I’m gonna get all this
disgusting frosting in my fur. What is this? Says sticky ice. What are these little
balls good for? This isn’t my stuff,
this is no good. I brought my own stuff. Ooh, look at this. Let’s
get started with that. Another bit here… Hahaha, that looks terrible! [Thbpttttt!] [Grinch laughs] What else do I got
over here? Hmm. Oooh! Green beans. My favorite. You’re getting behind,
better start doing something. I’m gonna make the prettiest
Santa in the world. [Tearing paper] We can eat it?! Don’t tell your mother. Ooh. Do you like onions?
They’re my favorite. I’ll give you 10 dollars
if you bite it. No? Okay. Where should I put it? It
should go right about there. [Laughing] Do you want some green beans? Did you eat dinner? Oh yeah? Well, alright. [Grinch laughs] I’m winning! Grinch, that’s disgusting. [Grinch gasps] Well, I never. Oh, it’s looking beautiful. I’m gonna win, you Grinch. I think I’m the clear
winner. Oh yeah. Uh uh. Nice try Grinch,
this cookie is the bestest. I love it! No one would ever eat that. I would eat that for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (and
dessert) and midnight snack. You’re a liar, Grinch. Oh, that’s it… Oh! My goodness. I love this little
thing, look at this. [Grinch laughing] It’s perfect! Cindy, there’s no way you’re
gonna beat me and my cookie. Hey fun squad, now
it’s time to judge. Who do you think
won this challenge. Cindy’s cookie? [Children cheering] Or the Grinch’s. [Fog horn] Comment down bellow and tell us who you think won
this challenge. [Upbeat music] Now it’s time for “Whoville Idol.” [Gameshow music] Who’s the best singer
in Whoville town? I’m gonna win this challenge. I was the best opera
singer in all of Whoville. [Opera singing] I’m only three years old. [Upbeat music] ♪ You’re a mean one, Mr Grinch ♪ ♪ Your heart’s an empty hole ♪ ♪ Your brain is
full of spiders ♪ ♪ You have garlic in
your soul, Mr. Grinch ♪ ♪ Why, I wouldn’t
touch you with a ♪ ♪ Thirty-nine-and-a-half
foot pole! ♪ [Upbeat music] ♪ Where are you Christmas? ♪ ♪ Why can’t I find you? ♪ ♪ Why have you gone away? ♪ [Snoring] ♪ My world is changing ♪ ♪ I’m rearranging ♪ ♪ Does that mean
Christmas changes, too? ♪ [Cheering and applause] Hey Grinch, wake up! What’d I miss? I’ve heard
better singing from the fox. What does the Fox say? ♪ De-De-De-De-De-De-De-De-de ♪ ♪ Dog goes “woof” ♪ ♪ Cat goes “meow” ♪ ♪ Bird goes “tweet” ♪ ♪ And mouse goes “squeak” ♪ ♪ Cow goes “moo” ♪ ♪ Frog goes “croak” ♪ ♪ And the elephant goes “toot” ♪ ♪ Ducks say “quack” ♪ ♪ And fish go “blub” ♪ ♪ And the seal goes “ow ow ow” ♪ ♪ But there’s one sound ♪ ♪ That no one knows ♪ ♪ What does the fox say!? ♪ ♪ Ka-Ka-Ka-Ka-Ka-Ka-Ka-Ka-Ka ♪ ♪ Ring-ding-ding-ding-Dingeringed! ♪ ♪ Ring-ding-ding-ding-Dingeringed! ♪ ♪ Ow-Ow-Ow-Ow-Ow-ow-Ow-Ow-Ow-Ow-Ow ♪ ♪ What does the Grinch say? ♪ ♪ Green-Green-Green-Green-Green-Greeeen ♪ No way I’m gonna lose this
time. I’m gonna ruin Christmas. I’m gonna save Christmas. Alright Fun Squad, who do
you think won this round? Cindy Lou Who? Please vote for me! Or the Grinch? Oh yeah, I’ve totally got this. I thought you said it was
gonna be a competition. [Upbeat music] For our last challenge,
we’re gonna see who can decorate the
bestest Christmas tree. It’s gonna be meee! What am I supposed to do with these? Those are no good. Good thing I brought my
OWN decorations, again. [Cheerful music] Alright there. That looks terrible. Oooh! Rubber gloves. Ta-da! Nothing like some paper tinsel. How am I doin’? I win! You win? You’re gonna have
to do better than that. [Cheerful music] How much longer is
this gonna go on? I can’t take it anymore,
there’s too much Christmas, too many Christmas challenges, too many gingerbread houses, I don’t like it. How many
smiles and merriness, and cheeriness am I gonna
have to deal with? Huh? Grinch are you grumpy? Yes I am. Do you need a big Christmas hug? A Christmas hug? I love you, Grinch. [Music changes to
happy classical music] What’s happening to my heart!? Grinch are you okay? I feel all warm
and tingly inside. I think my heart
grew a little bit. The Christmas cheer
is getting to you. [Grinch groans] Can I have a hug? Oh, thank you! Merry Christmas, Grinch. Merry Christmas to
you, Cindy Lou Who. It’s perfect! It’s perfect! Oh, it’s so pretty. [Both gasp] Is this your tree? It’s kinda nice. What do you think about my tree? I guess beauty’s in the
eye of the beholder. Well I’m glad that you think so. Okay Fun Squad,
now it’s your job to tell us who you think won: The Grinch; or, Cindy Lou Who! Yay! Comment below and tell us
who you think did better. Christmas is all about love. [Grinch and Cindy blow kisses] Give us a big, big,
big, big thumbs up. Like and subscribe below! Share the video with
all your friends! Have a Merry Christmas! If you liked this awesome video, check out “Girl vs Grinch:
Part One” by clicking below.

The Game Show About Rescuing Your Rich Idiot Friend | Where In the Eff Is Sarah Cincinnati


– [Rekha] We all have that
screw up friend that asks you to bail her out. Well that friend is Sarah Cincinnati and she needs your help gumshoes. Are you up to the task
of doing her a solid just this one last time? You may ask why you’re still friends but hey, someone’s gotta
watch out for her, right? Uh-oh looks like you’re getting a call. – So, I overslept on the bus
on the way to my cousin Julio’s wedding, God he sucks so hard, and I know what you’re thinking, “Sarah, what if you miss the open bar?” I know, me too! Thanks for looking out. Anyways, now I don’t know where I am. Can you help find me? Thank you, love you, (blowing kiss) ♪ Where in the eff is Sarah Cincinnati ♪ – Hello, and welcome to the
only game show where through trivia and physical challenges
we try to figure out where your dumb friend Sarah is and what favor she needs you to do. With us today are her very
loyal and unfortunate friends. Raphael Chestang, Sophia Cleary and John Milhiser. Guys, thanks so much for
joining us here today. – Super excited to be here.
– Thank you for having us. – I mean you shouldn’t be excited John, your friend is missing. – I’m scared.
– Oh no! (all laughing) – Exactly, thank you,
that’s the proper emotion. We are gonna figure out where
Sarah is by following her paper trail via some trivia questions. (upbeat music) All right, starting off our trivia round. Question one, just over the
hill in Studio City, Los Angeles Sarah visited a restaurant
called Caioti Pizza, which always has
something good in the oven and is known for an unusual menu item. Is it A, a pizza with other
tiny pizzas as toppings? B, garlic knots that the
owner claims are made with a recipe that was brought
back in time from the future? C, a salad that sends
pregnant women into labor? Or D, a chocolate cake that
gives diners actual orgasms? All right, you all locked in? – Yeah.
– Wait, wait, wait. – [Sophia] You have to shuffle them first. – Yeah I gotta. – [Rekha] They’re letters man. – That is, that’s a technique. – Okay, it’s all shuffled up now. – All right, Raph, what’ve you got? – [Raphael] A. – [Rekha] A pizza with other
tiny pizzas as toppings. – Yeah, it’s cute. – Okay, Sophia? C, a salad that sends
pregnant women into labor. – Mm hmm. – All right and John, what’ve we got? – C. – Actually I think it’s that one. – Backwards C, the answer is C. It is a salad that sends
pregnant women into labor. – That’s literally what it is? – Yeah. – And it’s real, it’s real. As an ex doula I can confirm.
– You’re a doula, yes. – Yeah people go all the time for it.
– Is it a lot of beets? – I think, I actually don’t know what’s in it.
– They won’t tell you what it is.
– Dates maybe probably.
– Dates? – Dates are really good for
getting it going, mm hmm. – Oh my God, I eat dates so much. – Yeah, careful.
– Do you go a lot? – Do I go into labor? (all laughing) That’s why people go into labor.
– Do I go to labor? – Do I go to labor? – For our next one, uh-oh, ding ding, looks like you got a butt text from Sarah. Sarah sent this from Berkley, California though she surprisingly
failed to tag anyone in it. This structure, which is made primarily from repurposed junk, is: A, an anti-helicopter parenting
playground where kids play with hammers and saws in a
landscape made from garbage? B, Our Lady of Garbage Church of Junk where visitors are encouraged
to dump none food trash wherever they like on the grounds? C, a secret junkyard
entrance to California’s oldest Masonic temple? Or D, Oscar’s Tacos, a
restaurant which carefully skirts the line of copyright infringement with its Trash Monster themed decor. Raph, what’ve we got? – A. – The anti-helicopter
parenting playground. – Yes. – [Rekha] Sophia? B.
– B. – Our Lady of Garbage Church of Junk. John?
– I’m gonna go with B. – Church of Junk. The answer is A! It is an anti-helicopter
parenting playground. – What, that’s real? – [Rekha] It was designed in
1979 to encourage children to take risks. – Ha ha.
– And hurt themselves. – [Rekha] Yeah. – That’s psycho. – All right, next up. Sarah rarely sticks to
the plan and her next step was no exception when she
took a detour down an alley in San Luis Obispo only to find herself in this well-known landmark. A, No Man’s Alley? Which is supposedly outside of federal and state legal jurisdiction
due to a technicality and therefore everything
is legal, allegedly. B, Cat King Alley? Populated by an absurd
number of feral cats which locals claim will
curse you if you harm them. C, Bubblegum Alley where the
walls and floors are coated with more than 40 years of
stale, chewed bubblegum? D, O’Malley’s Rally Tally Alley? Which served as the
finish line for the local O’Malley Soap Box Derby
and includes a mural of the previous winners. – Damn.
– Damn. – [Raph] I’m just gonna say this– – Okay. – This is very close to Hearst Castle. – Mm hmm, okay. (Raph laughing) – That’s it, that’s it.
– Did I get a point? – All right, Raph, what’ve we got? B, Cat King Alley. – Cat King. – All right, Sophia? C, Bubblegum Alley. John? – I’m gonna go with the big D. – Big D, that is O’Malley’s
Rally Tally Alley. – I think that’s right. (laughing) I think D is right. – You lock in an answer
and then you hear John’s and then you go, “I think that’s right.” Well the answer is C, so– – Whoa! – Bubblegum
– As usual, as Constance Wu says, believe women. So, it’s really meaningful–
– Wake up! – When you believe women. Look at this disgusting alley. – It is really disgusting and gives me anxiety.
– Anyone have trichophobia? I sure do, I hate looking at this. Anyway, let’s get away from this. Looks like we’ve got another voicemail from Sarah for our next question. – [Sarah] She stopped
us on the dance floor and whispered in my ear, “If water is best when thirsty
and food is best when hungry “when is it best to love?” The moment called for flirtation and yet I hung my head in shame. My answer was never and
we wouldn’t speak again. (burping) Oof, I had been waiting
for that to come out. – So cool. – Such a weird voicemail. Is she reading a poem. – Sarah left this voicemail
while waiting in San Francisco for her reservation at
Cafe Zoetrope a wine bar and restaurant created
by Francis Ford Coppola. She was inspired by: A, a five minute clinic
street booth session where patrons get five
minutes to vent to a trained listener about their problems. B, the menu which includes a
carefully constructed narrative to explain the backstory
of each menu item. C, a rumor that the bar
tenders at Zoetrope give anyone a free glass of wine if they can tell them a good enough story. D, a short story vending
machine for free print outs of amateur, user submitted short stories to entertain people as they wait. Raph? D, short story vending machine. Sophia? C, bar tenders will give
you a free glass of wine for a good story. John?
– Going with the big D again. – Big D, the answer is D! It is a short story vending machine. Yeah, they’re actually in a few places, they’re in France as well. – Yeah, I knew that. – You didn’t know. I haven’t said that to a
single person on this show you wanna Raph. What were you gonna say John?
– It’s in France too? – And Francis Ford Coppola has it in his– – Okay you’re smart. – Whoa.
– Okay fine, you’ve got it France was named after Francis
Ford Coppola, you’ve got it. Looks like we have got a Tweet from Sarah. Let’s check it out. Sarah took this photo whilst
still in San Francisco but don’t feel insecure if you’re not sure why she sent this. What is this wall of lava lamps? Is it, A, decor at Diane’s
Discounts which claims to be the world’s fanciest thrift store. B, an installation that is
used to encrypt nearly 10% of all the data on the internet. C, the last original lava
lamps ever produced all owned by an eccentric billionaire who hordes ’60s and ’70s paraphernalia. Or, D, an art installation
designed to help people feel less anxious but that some claim
is a secret government mind control experiment. What’ve you got? – C. – Okay, C, the last original
lava lamps ever produced. D, an art installation
designed to help people feel less anxious. John? – A. – A, decor at Diane’s Discounts. The answer is B. It’s an installation that is
used to encrypt nearly 10% of the data on all of the internet. – Wow, yeah. – It uses a machine to
track the random motions of the lava lamps to generate unpredictable encryption algorithms. – Oh, oh, okay.
– What. (blowing raspberry) – For sure, for sure, yeah. – All right next, Sarah left San Francisco and went to the California
city nicknamed The Big Tomato. Where is she? A, Sacramento. B, Fresno. C, Bakersfield. Or D, Santa Cruz. – I don’t know. I’m torn.
– I saw Bird Girl, no. What was that?
– Lady Bird? – Lady Bird, I saw Lady Bird.
(Sophia laughing) – Bird Girl!
– Okay, but you knew what I was saying.
– Honestly, would see. – Better title. – Way better title.
– Way better title. – No mom, I’m not Christine I’m Bird Girl. – Wake up. – That took place in Sacramento,
no body made any references to a big tomato. – All right, let’s do it, Raph? D, Santa Cruz. Sophia? D, Santa Cruz. John? – C. – Bakersfield. The answer is A, Sacramento. (all exclaiming) You didn’t hear Bird
Girl’s tomato diatribe? Half that movie was about Big Tomatoes. – My intuition was telling me two things. – She was like, “Oh, I
don’t wanna go to college, “I wanna go to Big Tomato.” Approaching final question and
right now Raph you have 20, Sophia you have 20 and John you have 20. We are all tied up. This could be anybody’s game. – Oh boy. – You already know Sarah
ended up in Sacramento which you’re probably aware is the state of California’s capital. However, California has actually changed state capitals six times. For our final question,
where you can wager however many points you have up to,
you don’t have to wager all of them, name one of the
California capital cities from before 1854 when Sacramento
became the permanent capital. All right, so put your
point wager on the board. (upbeat music) – That was good thinking music. – Yeah, you didn’t feel
psychotic listening to it? – No.
– I do. – All right, Raph what’ve we got? Zero points wagered for San Jose, okay. Sophia? 20 points for San Francisco. And John? One point for San Francisco. So this is really interesting. Raph is the only one who
guessed anything correctly. And he wagered no points. – Wow, oh God! God why, why? Oh wait no, that’s good. – Well so you stay the same. You just didn’t gain anything – You’re gonna win. – [Rekha] So you’re at 20 points. – I wagered it all. – You wagered it all Sophia. San Francisco is an incorrect. John you wagered one so you’re
still in the game as well. I’m so sorry Sophia, that
means you’re elimanted. Here were the options. The answers were: Monterey,
San Jose, Vallejo, twice was the capital, Benicia
and, weirdly, Sacramento. Sacramento was the name of
the capital at one point but then it got changed. – It had a comeback.
– And then went back to Sacramento. – You learn something new every day. – You really, truly do. Sophia I’m so sorry that
means you’re eliminated. – It’s all good. – But Raph and John you
get another chance to help your dear friend Sarah
Cincinnati in round two with our physical challenge. And to cue you up for that we have a little message from Sarah. – Yay, you found me! I am in Sacramento where
all the almonds come from and where Cali state
government stuff happens. Speaking of which, I have
a court meeting in 10. If you learn anything from me
today it’s don’t steal almonds in California because they
will arrest you for punching the cop that gave you a citation. Anywho, I need you to
find Julio’s wedding gift. I lost it somewhere in
all of the craziness. (siren blaring) Oops, the cop who gave
me the citation is back. What you gonna arrest
me again for J-walking? You gonna catch me? Are you gonna catch me? Huh? – Have fun you guys. – Oh God. (upbeat music) – Okay, Raph and John, you
found Sarah in Sacramento and Sacramento is home to the
Blue Diamond Almond Growers. California is home to 80%
of the world’s almond crops. So wouldn’t you know it,
Sarah left her wedding gift on an almond farm. So, she needs your help getting
it back and the only way to get it back is through
the game “Almond King.” – [Announcer] Almond King. – Each of you will be given a nut hammer and a bunch of almonds. You must crack as many almonds
as you can in 60 seconds and whoever cracks the
most amount of almonds and places them in their
corresponding baskets by the end of time wins. The catch? You’ll each be wearing a VR
headset that is playing a Sacramento Kings basketball game, baby. And I’m gonna want live
updates of what’s going on in that game ’cause
I’m a huge basketball– – Not true. – Mm huge. – [Ralph] Probably lie. – So, be sure to keep me posted. You guys feel good? – Yeah.
– Yes. – Okay, let’s put those
googles on and I also am going to put goggles on because Raph’s wild. On your mark, get set, go nuts!
(whistle trilling) – [John] The red team. (laughing) The blue team just scored. – Oh, cool. Raph, what’s going on in the game? – Erm, erm, erm, right now I
think somebody just got fouled. – Yeah. – Erm, erm, yeah so. – Where’s the ball? – The ball right now (mumbling). – Blue team has it. – All right, 30 seconds. (mumbling incoherently) – Oh, oh, the broken ones
went in with the new ones! Oh that’s– – Yeah, John, what’s going on in the game? – They are, the blue guy
has it again all right– – Yeah, cool, three, two, one. (klaxon blaring)
Time! Oh, man, you can take those headsets off. Wow. Okay, so that’s Raph five, John 11. Raph I am so sorry that
means you are eliminated. – Wow, wow.
– Oh. And then John, you will be
moving on to round three our obstacle course. (upbeat music) Okay so John, Sarah is
trying to leave Sacramento and still needs her cousin’s
wedding gift that you found. – Okay. – So, we have to figure out
where she’s trying to go. Within Sarah’s nasty
apartment lie five clues. Identified with little
magnifying glass stickers on them that point to her final destination. You will have 90 seconds
to ransack the place, find as many clues as you can. But, watch out, you
never know who, or what, is lurking in Sarah’s apartment. Good God, she is a mess. How are you feeling? – Good. – You think you’re gonna panic in there? – Yeah, I’m good at ransacking stuff. – Okay great. So, you ready? – Ready. – Okay, on your mark, get set, ransack! (upbeat music) – Hey!
– Uh oh it looks like Sarah’s drunk whiny sister is here
and she does not look happy. – What are you doing? Stop it. You can’t go through her stuff. – [Rekha] Fun fact,
Sarah’s sister was banned from all indoor malls in Los Angeles. She thinks it’s ’cause she
made out with a mall Santa but it’s actually because
she was too annoying. – You can’t look at her– – And shouldn’t you be at the wedding? – I didn’t get invited to the wedding. – Oh, I am sorry. – Please, please stop looking at things. – Oh, okay there’s a lot
on this table still John. There might still be something here. – You’re gonna break it. Those are her shelves. – Okay, a clue. – What if I ask really nice? – Mam please.6 – 40 seconds left. – You know what, I’m gonna call the cops. – All right John, check in the book shelf. Head to the side table–
– Hey do you know– – Search it.
– what the number. – Do you know what the
number to the cops is? – He just found another clue. – Erm, 811. – Is it 919? – 20 seconds John. – 811, okay, I’ll try that. Ouch, you don’t have
to throw things at me. Violence isn’t the answer. – [Rekha] You got 10 seconds John. – Stop, no don’t touch that. – Okay, what about that
food that’s on there John I don’t know if that’s a clue at all. – Not, no.
– Oh my God, okay, great, one second. (klaxon blaring)
Time! So, what do we have?
– We have a bag of raisins. – [Rekha] Okay, fantastic. – A bus ticket that the
duration of the trip is three hours 15 minutes. – Okay, from Los Angeles. – From Los Angeles. – Okay. – And a to-do list to visit all the major cities in California. LA, San Francisco, San Diego, Sacramento. – So using the clues that you’ve found where do you think Sarah needs to go? – Well I don’t know what these are for. – Yeah. – But I’m going to say, San Jose? – San Jose, is that your final answer? – Yeah. – San Jose is incorrect. I’m so sorry. The answer is actually Fresno. – Fresno.
– Fresno. – Yes, I know, I know,
who cares about Fresno? There were two clues over there that might have been more helpful. It was was a map and a
CSUF little university, California State University of Fresno. – Okay. – I know, I know. Sucks that you weren’t able
to get Sarah’s wedding gift to Fresno but she does have
a little message for you. – So I know not making it to
Julio’s wedding is technically bad but I kinda see it as a
win-win ’cause now I don’t have to suffer through Julio’s
wedding and now I get to come home and see you! Can you Venmo me $200 for a bus ticket? ‘Cause I spent all my last
$50 on like these almonds. Actually, can you Venmo me 250? So she would like you to Venmo her $250. – What’s new? – Aint that the truth. Thank you so much John for playing. That is it for this episode. Tune in next time to see what
random place Sarah ends up in and what annoying favor
she’s going to ask here on ♪ Where in the Eff is Sarah Cincinnati ♪ (upbeat music) – Hey, you guys can’t dance, get out. I have this, thank you. – Hi, it’s Rekha. If you like College Humor
and wanna support us sign up for DROPOUT. For the monthly cost of 250
candy bars in the year 1920 you can get videos like
this a whole week sooner. You can chat with us live
on the DROPOUT Discord and get exclusive content like the vodcast “Erotic Book Club.” There is a lot of blanket play. – It’s a lot of blankets, a
lot of, “Ooh I got you a gift, “ooh let me tuck you into bed.” And I’m like ooh, God, yeah. – So sign up for your free trial today and it was so great meeting you. If you wanna like share some
of those candy bars over wine some time, you know, like
I am available, you know. You get like 125, I can get
125, dunno, just an idea.

“Did You Just Call Me a Mudblood?”

January 19, 2020 | Articles, Blog | 100 Comments

“Did You Just Call Me a Mudblood?”


(upbeat music) – From warp drives to warp stones, nerds are passionate
about a lot of things. But there’s something
they love above all else and that is correcting people. This is Um, Actually. (playful music) Joining us today, we
have Brian Murph Murphy. – Hi. – We have Natalie Palamides. And we have Demi Adejuyigbe. – Nailed it. – [Host] So to briefly explain the game, I have here, a stack of statements. These are false statements
about the franchises that you love or if you don’t love, someone out there loves
deeply and passionately. But these are all false statements so it’s up to you to find the thing that I said that is incorrect, buzz in, and correct me. There’s only two rules, really. Every correction must be preceded by the phrase, um, actually. If you don’t say um, actually,
I will not give you a point. It’s really the only
rule, I can’t break it. The other is that you can
interrupt me whenever you want. Just like in real life,
doesn’t matter the point I’m trying to make, what
matters is that you– – What’s the point you’re trying to make? – That’s it. That’s it. You got it. Natalie already rearing to go. – Um, actually, she
didn’t say um, actually. – [Natalie] Oh. Come on Demi. – And Demi with the–
– Smartass. – With the smartass correction, also very much in the spirit of the game. – I can already feel that I’m gonna come in second place again. (group chuckling) – This first statement
is about Harry Potter. Harry Potter. In the Harry Potter series, the caretaker of Hogwarts, Argus Filch, is a non-magical person
from a wizarding family, also known as a muggle. (suspenseful music) (buzzer dings) – Um actually, he’s not from a wizarding family ’cause he’s a muggle. – No, he’s a non-magical
person from a wizarding family. – Um actually, non-magical people from non-magical families are muggles. – That’s correct. – [Brian] Oh. – Can you tell me what the term is for a non-magical person
from a wizarding family? – Yes I can, it’s a mudblood. – [Host] That is not
correct, it’s not the– – [Demi] Fuck. (laughing) I was so confident. – I’m still gonna give you
the point unless someone can tell me the term I’m looking for. – Uh–
– Is it just loser? (group laughing) (Natalie groaning) – [Demi] Are you okay? – I kinda do that for while and stall. – Yeah, we can just, let me
just hold onto that. (chuckling) – Yeah, I’m just gonna guess mugfug. (group chuckling)
– That’s it. – Mugfug. – I mean, that sounds like the right tone. But Demi, we’ll give you the point. (buzzer dings) You identified what was
incorrect, which is that a non-magical person
from a wizarding family is not known as a mudblood,
or is not know as a muggle, they are known as a squib. – [Brian] Oh–
– Are you freaking kidding me? – [Brian] No, thank you. – It sounds like a slur, honestly. It was like that squib
over there, like ka-jesus. – Most Harry Potter words do sound like, oh I’m offended by that
but I can’t tell you why. – Yeah, it’s got that real
linguistic crunchiness, of just like, ugh, I don’t know what you’re saying to me, but no thank you. – Poor guy too, I mean
think about that, being born into a family of wizards and you aren’t. – If your brother can be
like (magic spell sounds) and like make magic whenever he wants– – That’s sad. – Stop hitting yourself,
stop hitting yourself– – Nightmare. Well, that is a point for Demi. – [Natalie] Nice one, Demi. – [Demi] All my points today go to Susan G. Komen, Race for the Cure. That’s who I’m playing for. (group laughing) – Our next question is
about Final Fantasy. – Fudge me. – [Host] Shinra, the corporation opposed by the ecoterrorist group Avalanche, has constructed a series of reactors that are slowly but surely
destroying the planet. The reactors harvest Mako,
the life force of the planet that in its crystal form, Materia, can be shaped and molded
into magical weaponry. (buzzer dings) – Um, actually, materia is
not a weapon in and of itself, they’re like little crystal
gems you can put in weapons– – That’s correct, it’s not– – Things you can wear or wield. – [Host] The crystal itself doesn’t get formed into
weapons, you make a weapon that will just have a random slot in it and you just jam– – You jam a cool rock in there. – A cool rock. (chuckling) – Just like real weapons. – Yeah, how real weapons, you leave space for cool rocks to be jammed in. – Yeah, just tape your
cool rocks to your gun. – Like what are you doing to your gun? – Making it look cool. – [Demi] Yeah, it’s like
when you put flames on a car. (chuckling) – It makes you super cool and also lets you control fire, it’s like a really cool thing about– – Unless you’re a squib. – Yeah, unless you’re a squib. – Right, then your brother can do it. (group laughing) – Give me back my shoes. We will move right along, this one, I’ll be interested to see
the reaction of this one. This is one is about the
animated series, Gargoyles. (Demi laughs) Do you watch Gargoyles? – Let’s do this. (group laughing) – [Host] The Gargoyles,
winged protectors of New York gifted with stone bodies and
the ability to glide, not fly, all named themselves: Goliath, Hudson, Brooklyn, Lexington and Bronx. (buzzer dings) – Um, actually, one of
their names is DeAngelo. (group laughing) – Get over here DeAngelo, no. No, I’m sorry, that’s incorrect. (buzzer dings) – Um, actually, Goliath’s
name is Lower East Side. (group laughing) – Yeah, the Goliath has
really been gentrified lately. No, no, no, Goliath is named Goliath. (buzzer dings) Demi. – Um, actually, Bronx is the
one that did not name himself. (chuckling) – That’s very funny because that’s not what we’re thinking, but
we were actually looking for is Goliath also did not name himself. But I think that has to be true because Bronx is the dog, right. Bronx can’t possibly name
himself, so that wasn’t what we were going for but I guess– – Fuck yeah.
– Oh my god. – Give me a point.
– There’s a dog? – No way Bronx could possibly
name himself, that’s– – [Brian] Can he speak? – That’s insane. No, he just growls. – What’s the logic there ’cause they are all like rocks, right? (Demi and Brian bickering) Like all the other ones are
monsters, why can they speak. – It’s the same thing
with Pluto and Goofy. – [Host] Yes! – They’re both dogs, Disney. Come on. – Our next question is a
special video guest question. So, let’s turn it on over to the screen. ♪ But there’s no sense crying ♪ ♪ over every mistake ♪ ♪ You just keep on trying ♪ ♪ ’til you run out of cake ♪ – Oh, hi there. It’s me, Jonathan Coulton. For all of you fans of Portal out there, you might recognize that
song as Still Alive, the theme music that Cortana
sings over the end credits. (buzzer dings) That song along with Gameplay and Dialogue spawned the popular
meme The Cake is Alive. – Demi buzzed right in
there, what you got? – Um actually, it’s Gladdos who sings that over the end of portal.
– Alright, that’s your answer. Let’s hear from Mr. Jonathan Coulton, hear what he has to say. – Actually, Cortana is the AI from Halo. The AI in portal is named Gladdos. – I’m very cool, I know a
lot of stuff about that. – That’s it for this
preview of Um, Actually, but wait there’s more. In fact, a whole 66% of this episode. To watch it, just go to dropout.tv and start your free trial today, and since we’re all
about being correct here. I should point out that
it’s not actually 66%, but it’s 66.66666– – And are these real monsters
that exist in literature? – These are monsters from folklore. – Okay.
(Demi chuckles) – It’s monsters from our everyday lives.