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Toy Guitar… Does It Actually Work?

April 8, 2020 | Articles, Blog | 100 Comments

Toy Guitar… Does It Actually Work?

Hey hey! I’m Stevie T, and I was at the dollar store the other day. And I saw… This. A guitar for a dollar… A DOLLAR! a dollar It’s absolutely perfect for those musicians who are on a budget. And I mean that’s a sick paint job! But there’s only one question that remains: does it work? We’re gonna find out today, so let’s bust ‘er open and we’ll see how she sounds! Huh, and would you know it, it comes with its own complimentary case – No it doesn’t, no that doesn’t work. MUSIC All right, let’s see here… [Stevie Noises] Tastes like plastic, looks like plastic, this thing is cheaply made. It’s like – come on. I paid a dollar. I expect QUALITY! more music HA HA would you look at that, they even got little tuning pegs! Okay, I got my clip-on tuner let’s get her in tune. Where are you supposed to put this? OoooOOO!! This thing SUCKS! (falls forward) So test number one. Can you tune it? Not really! [Sounds of disapproval] [raspberry noise] uh? Well let’s see if it tunes down, we’ll give it the breakdown test. Oh yeah, how’s that for a low tuning? BROWN NOTE! So I know you’re all wondering, does it djent? [Trying to djent] [and fails miserably] It kind of does djent! Let’s give it the breakdown test. [Clears throat] [breaks back] All right, so I don’t even know if you could hear the guitar from there, But it did kind of form something that could be considered a note…? (Struming strings open) Let’s do a quick game of “Name That Riff.” Can you guess it? That’s correct: a barely recognizable version of “Thunderstruck.” Try this one. Can you guess that one? That’s right! “White Stripes” – “Seven Nation Army. Okay one more song, but this time I need a capo ♫ Today is gonna be the day that they’re gonna throw it back to you. ♫ Did you guess it? That’s right, “Wonderwall.” How the heck did you guess that? Not a single note there was coherent! [Hilarity] HAHA! Right, so let’s try a couple different techniques to see if it works. Let’s see if we can tap. fails to tap Okay, so does it tap? [Disapproving flatulence] Let’s see if we can sweep pick! This neck is so friggin warped it’s unbelievable. no word very well! Four string sweeps!(In weird voice) Screw it, let’s just do some mindless shredding! [Mindless shredding] That’s – it’s next to impossible to shred on this thing. The frets are almost unusable, especially at speeds like that! Let’s see if we can do slide guitar with it. Put that in the guitar stand for a sec… (Guitar falls from stand) All right, let’s test this out. [Testing it out] Wow, that was unexpected, it actually works! [plays slide] [has a physical breakdown] Okay, so it’s time to put the guitar strap on to see if we can rock out with this thing. And you better not have laughed when I said “strap-on.” We are mature adults here! Let me get my strap… Guitar stand! All right. Oh! All right. What – they didn’t even give you strap pegs? Oh c-c-come on, dollar store! How are you supposed to rock out? Well I do have a solution: Tape. This is re- [Wait for it] -DICULOUS! Well ain’t I a rock star? My strap is more expensive than my guitar! [Wheeze!] I wonder if we can do a guitar flip. Yeah, there it is! Okay and as promised if the guitar was at least playable. I promised I would do a song and I did. That’s right, I recorded the song for you guys, and I had so much fun recording this song for you- No, no, no, I didn’t – it was a royal pain in the left nut actually. How are you supposed to plug this into record? There’s no input jack, there’s no – there’s no input jack! I’ll make one. I’ll make one. [Garble] No no no no…. I’ll record it by microphone then, screw it! God it’s is so quiet I got to get right up to the mic! Like how am I – how am I supposed to… Fine, I’ll just thrust into you! No – oh, you’re out of tune! No – that fret sounds different now? What the heck! [Noises of distraught] It looks like I’m using a urinal! Out of tune again! [Barbaric grunting and crunching] Okay, I’m gonna go to the dollar store buy a new guitar, and then we’ll resume! Excuse me… So embarrassing… Well there you have it folks, I hope you liked my little ditty. I was hoping to make it a little bit longer – But I was ready to pull on my friggin hair because this guitar sucks! It can’t record, the frets are this friggin tiny, and the strings sound like – Shhhhhhhhhhhhmmmm- Даааааа!!! So moral of the story is: dollar store guitars are barely playable. So would I recommend this as a toy for a kid who just likes guitar? No, nope, not at all actually! These things suck! So as always click here to subscribe to my channel for so much more content, And thank you guys so much for joining me. I can’t tell you that enough – I love you guys, and I’ll see you guys in the next video. ♫ I will miss you. ♫ ♫ I will miss you. ♫ [Annoyed grunt]

If Undertale was Realistic 12

April 5, 2020 | Articles | No Comments

Nein nein nein nein nein nein nein nein
nein nein nein nein nein nein
Nein nein nein nein nein nein nein!! Oh shit. Oh shit. Were you there the whole time? Well yeah, you’re on live telivision remember? So people heard that? Oh all of those kiddies and grandmas and grand-dads! Although most of our viewing audiance is plants, we even get peace lilies tuning in! WOW! I don’t care… I’ve seen you have been pissing of some farm animals recently. Yeah, to be fair that was kind of harsh of me. I did eat a slice of beef RIGHT in front of this cow, I’m pretty sure it was their cousin or something. I meant Toriel. More like gooniel, Am i right lads? Phantom Lad: You are right lad! *Sigh* Toriel switched side though, which means i’m gonna take her off your ally list. So hand me that pencil please. Thank you.. aww shit… I wrote this down in pen, Um, does anybody have any tipex? No? Well like a bit of tape where i can write on top of it? Thank you. Weird Thing: im just gonna put it right here and *mumbles* Aww, who gives a shit!? Clearly not the child. Forgot how cold it was! I’m so used to my giraffe lifestyle! Hold on a minute. Hehe, this is awesome, hehe. *Child falls and grunts* Fuck… Human, don’t you know how to greet a new pal? Turn around… Sans, it’s me. Oh?! Hahaha! I didnt recognize ya! So, that’s your human greeting is it? No, I just give them proper nipple cripples. CRIPPS! OW!! Suprise! Happy birthday! It’s not my birthday.. Happy-.. day! Hey guys, when does a skeleton laugh? When someone tickles his funny bone? Nah mate, when I tell someone a skeleton joke! *BADUM TSS!* NYAH HAH HAH HA! See? I told ya. How do skeletons call their friends? On the teleBONE? No, of course not! I can’t even call any friends. And I don’t even have any friends! *BADUMM TSS* NYAH HA- Nyah ha.. Don’t have any… friends… You alright, Bellend? I-I got to go! *Music* When you got no friends and everybody think you’re a twat Don’t waste your time bying a cat Just travel the world and run away from your problems Reflect on your life in the snowy mountains A journey where it’s just you and your hand for affection Accepting yourself and your imperfections A Deep Journey A Deep Journey It’s A Deep Journey A Lame Deep Journey Finding yourself on a deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep journey It’s so damn deep that I’ve gotta say deep five times Deep Journey… Ohh!! *Music ends* Hello Friendlings! I know I’ve been away for quite some time. You were gone for about 30 seconds. 32 mate, get it right. I’ve come to realise that accept myself. I may not be perfect, I may have flaws, but- I still hate you and think you are an absolute bellend. ERR, but I traveled around the mountains! And was self-reflective, was that all for nothing? Yes… But I accept myself! That dosn’t mean I accept you. But you have like me because I’m nice and reflective! What? You’re a mirror? I wish, then I’ll never have to look at him again. *BADUMM TSS* Absolutely wrecked! I hate my life! What are you doing? SSHHHHHH! I’m invisible. HRGH… GET YOUR FACE AWAY FROM ME! Sans: Is the lamp talking? Genderless Child: Is the lamp talking? Papyrus: Is the lamp talking? The talking lamp: THE LAMP IS TALKING! The inturrupting old man: The lamp is talking! HA! You have been bamboozeld by the inturrupting old man! TAHLI HOOOOO! I won’t count that one. Thank you. ARGH! YOUR HEAD STINKS! Excuse me?! You know how many people walk along this road and try to hide in me?! The amount of faces I’ve seen?! The amount of heads I’ve been on?! I’m sick of it! But I use special shampoo! Toothpaste ain’t shampoo, Papyrus! Mate, just put him down, he’s a proper angry lamp right now! FINE! Friends? Well, looks like we’re killing a lamp today. Mate, he knows karate! How do you know that? Because that sign, he knows karate. Karate is my weakness. How? Just the word, mate. It freaks me out! KA-RA-TE It just sounds weird… Just saying it sends shivers down my spine! Its ok, brother. If I defeat him will you like me? -No…
-OKAY! U WANT A PIECE OF ME?! Oh, I don’t want a piece of you. I want the entire stock of you from IKEA! ENGARDE! SPECIAL SPIN ATTACK! NO! BRIAN! GOT ANY LAST WORDS? Yes! I WILL NEVER GIVE UP! The Child may not like me, but my reflective journey wa- See? This is why I don’t like you. Are you ok, Brian? I love you too! I want to hug it! I HUGGED HIM FIRST! I don’t like this… What kind of dimension have I just stumbled into? OH! Great tree! I want my… trees I’ve seen! I’m not even a fuckin’ tree… I told him that we loved him, because we dont want him to die! So, is this your death bed right now? Or death snowy mountain? Which is very cold by the way. I wish buddy, I’m so sick of these hippies manhandling me every day. I don’t even get paid for it… Why don’t you charge them then? Five Grambeldies a hug? I can’t, Rudolf will make fun of me… Fair enough. We dont want you to die! We want to know the trees! It’s not even funny! I’m a victim of trees! It was a Sunday morning, I tripped over and fell onto a tree, the tree got lodged in my head, and now I am known as tree head! I’ve heard a lot of tragic back stories recently, but yours is unbeLEAFable. *Laughter* FINE! GO AHEAD! LAUGH AT THE WEIRD TREE-HEAD REINDEER THING! Don’t worry! We still care about you! GROUP-HUG! UGH! The hairy armpits! Ugh!? HAIRY. FEMALE ARMPITS… Tri…TRI……TRRRIIIGGGEERRREEED! Triggered? We don’t even wax them below! TRIIGGGEEERRREED!!! Merry Christmas. *Evil laugh* Holy shit on a podium. What do we do, Dreamer? Uh.. uh… HUG HARDER! *COUGH* Save….me…. sweet prince… Seeing as you ladies won’t shave yourselves. I guess it’s up to me to give you a little Trim.. There you go. Good as new! I feel so.. so rejuvenated, is that a word? Yes, word. SOO REJUVENATED! -The Freshness…
-It’s so smooth! I feel like a person again! BUT LADIES! HAVING HAIRY ARMPITS SHOWS OUR EMPOWERMENT TO THE PATRIARCHY! Personal hygiene. (TRIGGERD!!!) Now that our hairy armpits are gone, we’re no longer classified as monsters! Does that mean that we can leave the underground? Yes Dreamer, and you dont have to dream anymore… Your new human name will be… Steve… Farewell, child! It seems you utilized your triggering abilities to do some good in the world. Apparently so… I’ve decided! I will return to Santa! I miss being his slave and pulling him around! Then godspeed, my friend. LALALALALALALAAAA! SANTA! Tree head! you’ve returned! I’ve missed you tree head. I missed you too, Santa What is this on the back of your head? Wait, what? OH SHIT! Fuck you, Santa… Hey guys. The next episodes coming out in just two weeks so be here in two weeks to check out episode 12. And hit one of the buttons, like the Bell button if you want to be notified when that comes out, and ask a question about If undertale is realistic in the description below. Because we’re gonna be doing a Q&A about undertale realistic on our other channel the smash for the team channel, so ask those questions and we’re gonna get to those sometime in the next couple of weeks on the other channel. And we’ll see you then and two weeks. Good bye!

My Husband Saw Me Kissing With My Lover; He Insisted To Watch

Hey, my name is Audrey and I was in a loveless
marriage for 5 years. I thought my life was going to be miserable
forever…but then I started an affair, my husband caught us…but it led to something
COMPLETELY unexpected. It all started when I was 18. I was dating a guy named Joel. He was my first love and every day I spent
with him felt like heaven. But then…he suddenly broke up with me over
text and disappeared. Later I found out that his whole family had
moved somewhere else. I was heartbroken and couldn’t stop crying
for days. I felt utterly alone, like nobody cared, and
then Walter called me. Walter was my best friend since childhood,
and he was like a big, kind teddy bear. He was so worried about me… he came to my
place and we talked for hours about my feelings and then he asked if I wanted to go to a party
that was happening that day. I didn’t want to go, but he kept saying
that I need to do something fun. And… it was a mistake. Biggest mistake of my life that still affects
me today. The party WAS fun, but at some point I started
to cry again, making a fool of myself. I went outside and Walter followed. He looked in my eyes and kissed me. And when it happened… I realized that Walter had been in love with
me since we were kids. And I… didn’t feel anything for him romantically. It felt so wrong, but I wanted some warmth
and attention so badly I just didn’t stop him. And then we went to his house, and…. you
may can probably guess what happened next. We stopped talking after that. I knew that we could not just go back to being
friends again. Walter called me every day, but I never answered. And then the worst thing imaginable happened. I…I got pregnant. And I didn’t know what to do, so I met with
Walter. He was so happy about it and it felt weird. I tried to tell him that I wanted to get rid
of the baby, but the words just… got stuck in my throat and I didn’t say anything. Well, then we told our parents, and Walter’s
mother who I always hated insisted on us marrying each other. So we did. All of this happened six years ago. My son was five, and we both loved him, and
Walter loved me, and he got a great job and he was an incredibly caring husband and father. But I still didn’t love him. At all. I tried to smile and be a happy wife, but
I cried several times a week, while trying to hide it from Walter. And because Walter was such an attentive husband,
he definitely noticed that something was wrong with me. So he tried harder. But I was still unhappy. One evening while I was watching TV with Walter,
I got a text from…Joel, my first ever boyfriend. I immediately stood up and went to the toilet
to read the message. “Let’s meet. Today.” I was shocked. What? I wrote: “I’m married.” And then I remembered all the nights when
I was sobbing silently. I erased my previous message. The answer I actually sent was: “Where?” I lied to Walter and said that my friend wanted
to meet me and went to meet with Joel. We met in the cafe where we first met. My heart was pounding and I could barely breathe. I went in the cafe and looked around. And… he was sitting there, and it was like
he hadn’t changed at all. He was still handsome and looked like the
member of a band. Well, back then he was in a band. His face lit up when he saw me and I felt
so happy. And then it changed to anger. He left without saying a word five years ago
and he was acting like nothing happened. He sighed and told me what really happened
back then. His parents always wanted him to be a lawyer,
and he hated that. When he said he didn’t wanna move to another
city to go to college and that he wanted to stay with me, they decided to move. They were sure that he was just a teenager
who didn’t know what was best for him. At this point, Joel got silent and looked
down at the ground. After a minute, he said, “…and I simply
had no courage to go against them.” After two years of studying to become a lawyer,
wearing suits, and cutting his hair short, he finally found the courage to live like
he wanted. He left college and spent three years of his
life living in different cities, working menial jobs here and there. But he still felt he was missing something. Me. After this he looked in my eyes. And then we kissed. And then we went to a shabby apartment he
was living in. And I felt the magic again. I felt love. Something I missed so badly when I was with
Walter. Our affair continued for months. We were going out a lot. We stayed in a lot. We watched the stars and went to parties. I was happy. I was comfortable. But… I got too comfortable. And it ruined everything. I was tired of being out or in Joel’s small,
dirty apartment, my husband was supposed to stay late at work, and my son was at my mother’s,
so we went to my place. Joel was so passionate that we couldn’t
even make it to the bed, and he started kissing me right in the doorway. We ended up on the couch together. And then… the door opened and Walter walked
in. We froze. Walter dropped his suitcase. His face was so… different. Like he was a different person. Joel got scared, stood up, and went to the
door, but Walter stopped him. Walter said “go back” and Joel returned
to the couch. Both Joel and I were sitting there, silent,
afraid of what Walter would do. He calmly poured himself a drink and sat down
in the armchair. “Continue,” he said. We were confused. But then he screamed “KEEP DOING WHAT YOU
WERE DOING.” I started to tear up. But then Joel took my hand while looking at
Walter. And then he kissed me. I barely moved my lips because I was scared
and so uncomfortable. And Walter continued to look at us, completely
still. Walter smiled with his teeth and said, “maybe
you want some music?” He turned on Frank Sinatra. Oh my god, he remembered that Joel and I loved
to listen to Sinatra when we were together. Joel started to unbutton my shirt. I closed my eyes. I wanted to disappear. WHY, WHY, WHY was it happening… Tears were flowing down my face. I looked at Walter. At this point he covered his face with his
hand and was sobbing quietly. I couldn’t take it anymore and ran to the
bedroom, locked the door and burst out crying on the floor. Not like quiet sobbing, but that ugly crying
when your entire body is shaking. It felt like a nightmare. Someone knocked on the door. I thought it was Walter… but then I heard
Joel. He asked me to let him in. And I did. He said that I shouldn’t be crying, because
now we didn’t have to hide. We could run away together. Moreover, we never even needed to see Walter
again. We could just climb out of the window. He said “Do you want to be miserable forever,
Audrey!? I LOVE YOU!”. I looked at the door… the door back to Walter. And then the window…my future with Joel. After ten minutes, Joel and I were on the
road in his car. I looked out the window, it all still felt
like a dream. Joel kept saying how happy we were going to
be, that we could go anywhere and do anything. And then he turned Frank Sinatra on. Why did he think it was a good idea!? Not after THAT. I teared up again. And then it struck me. WHAT was I doing? I have a KID! And Walter was the nicest person ever… and
Joel didn’t even have a JOB. “Stop the car!” I screamed. Joel was confused, so I repeated myself. He finally did it, I said “sorry” and
ran away. I was running for 20 minutes until I got back
home. I opened the door and saw Walter on the same
armchair, his glass of whiskey on the floor. He was staring into nothing, his body almost
limp. I dropped to my knees and said “I’m sorry”
at least a hundred times… And then life continued as usual. Walter would smile in front of me and our
son. He was as attentive and kind as always. And it was killing me, because I knew that
deep inside he was so miserable and lost. And I knew that he was drinking every night
when I went to sleep. One night we went to a corporate event. He was all smiles. So was I. We kept joking and talking to his coworkers,
trying to appear normal. It was torture. Then I noticed that Walter disappeared somewhere,
so I started looking for him, and found him in a small dark room. He was standing with Mary, his coworker. I watched silently. He was very polite, but she was all over him. She wasn’t even drunk. She was laughing at his jokes and touching
her hair… and Walter clearly enjoyed her company. And then she tried to kiss him, and I hoped
that he would kiss her back so I wouldn’t have to feel this constant guilt. But he didn’t… he took a few steps back,
said “I… I love my wife” and ran out, stumbling into
me. He was so ashamed that he went outside. I followed him as fast as I could. He was getting into our car. I cried out, “Stop!” because he was so
drunk. I tried to stop him, to drag him away from
the car, but he was just screaming, “Go away!” again and again. And then he got into a car. And immediately crashed into a tree. I ran up to him and thank God he was okay. I demanded that he let me drive because I
wasn’t drinking. He nodded, without any emotion. We were driving in silence. I could barely hold back my tears. And then I stopped the car. He looked at me, confused. I burst out crying and said to him that we
should stop torturing each other! We both have been miserable for years and
he was clearly attracted to Mary. I wanted a divorce and didn’t want to take
even a single penny from Walter. I wanted to be friends with him, to raise
our kid, because he was such an amazing father… I finished with, “I don’t want us to be
miserable for our entire lives!” We hugged each other and cried together. And he agreed. A year has passed since then. We got our divorce, sold our house, and moved
to different places. Walter still supported me financially, a little
bit. And he was happy with Mary. And I was so happy to see Walter, my best
friend, smiling like he used to when he was 18. I am alone now. I am not happy, but… I am glad that I escaped from Joel’s car
that night. It was the right decision.

If Undertale was Realistic 14

March 18, 2020 | Articles, Blog | 100 Comments

If Undertale was Realistic 14

Subtitles by tobyMacFan221’s TheTMF, EK (Pen Name), and Mason *whistling noises from a fat walrus* Child: Oh. Hey excuse me. Really strange question, right? But when you whistle, do you suck in or blow out? Cuz I can’t whistle blowing out watch: *quiet whistling* Child: But when I suck in: *better whistling* Child: Easy! So I guess I’m really good at sucking right. (I think I know what u mean) *laffin’ noises* Child In Demonic Voice LAUGH OR I’LL KILL U!>:) *decides to laugh because he didn’t wanna be killed cuz he’s fat* *child walks away while walrus is still laughing* Walrus: OOOH! I was so scared! *dog sniffing for food and junk* Big Dog: I smell sarcasm. Hey bitch. Smaller Dog: I smell dog. Big Dog: We’re gonna be in grambody heaven. It’s the goat child! Child: Giraffe! Get it right! Smaller Dog: I’m smelling a badass action sequence Sans: No, that’s just me lunch Child: SANS! 😀 (YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He’s back lads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also P.S. LET’S GET SMAAAAAAAAAAASHED!!!) Sans: I’ve got your back, lad. Child: *gasp* Lad! 🙁 (Oh yeah! I forgot Lad existed) Sans: Oh, sorry mate. Um… *says some weird skeleton gibberish and pulls out the Grim Reaper’s favorite toy* Sans: Some of them want to use you, and some of them like me want to be used by you. Demononic Child: HURRRRGH! Demonic Child: Screw taking these dogs to the pound, let’s just give them a pound!>:) Not the currency that is (I know that!) like an actual- Sans: Yeah, I got it mate, I got it. Demonic Chile: WOOF!!!! *A very long fighting sequence. To pass the time, I’ll give you a joke: Why did I start typing subtitles? Because I have no purpose in life! 😀 Sans: Mate I love headaches! 😀 Smaller Dog: When we kill the child, where do u wanna go to for vacation? Big Dog: Let’s have a relaxing day at the lake Smaller Dog: ERRGH! You’re so boring! Let’s go skydiving! (Great. Skydiving dogs. My lifelong dream) Big Dog: I don’t like heights! Smaller Dog: You’re such a baby! Big Dog: You’re so controlling *both dogs say woof. great a dog argument. I hate this* Demonic Child: Trouble in paradise? Smaller Dog: What’s the deal, Pigeon Boy? Demonic Child: Giraffe! If weapons aren’t working, let’s see how you can handle MARRIAGE COUNSELING!! Big Dog: He’s discovered our weakness! D: Demonic Child: YOU’RE BOTH INSECURE!! *dogs yelling* Demonic Child: You both came out of a long relationship, and you have both each other’s rebound! *dogs yelling again* Demonic Child: You only stay together, because you’re scared u won’t find somebody else! Big Dog: AUUGH! I can’t handle the truth! Smaller Dog: OHH! It hurts so bad!! Demonic Child: Not to mention your boyfriend cheated on you with a llama! (wait, wat?) Smaller Dog: *gasps* Big Dog: WHAT? How did you know that?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Demonic Child: Oh I didn’t, I bluffed. (And your bluff turned out to be true.) But now you’re BUUUSTED!!!!!!! Big Dog: If it’s any consolation, she smelled really weird. (The llama or you’re dumped wife?) *ANOTHER long fighting sequence of a dog killing her husband. Hey, how about another joke? Why can’t I lick my elbow. Oh wait. I can. But it’s because 99% of people can’t do it! But 90% of people reading this will try. I got it from a Weird but True book. Sans: Yeah, can you pass it up, mate? Child: Yeah sure. (YAAAAAAAAAAY! It’s his normal voice again! Why am I still here?) *Throws soft drink at Sans. I can’t blame him. I don’t like fountain drinks either. I prefer it either canned or bottled* *ANOTHER long fighting seque- oh you know what, forget it!* Smaller Dog: Ah. Much better 🙂 Sans: May I? Child: Go on, then. *looks like a dang idiot when he screams weirdly and puts on 3D glasses. Sans, why must you torment me?* Narrator Person: Welcome back to “The Nightly Flower Show” with Flowey the *trying to say flower, but says gazelle f*ck instead* *applause* Flowey: Thank you. Thank you Flowey: Let me start off by saying: You guys see what the president did today? (no) I was like: “Wow that was so dumb.” *laughter* Flowey: Yeah, you see how niave- Flowey: You know what I’m talking about. (Am I the only person who doesn’t?) If I feel like a little *something* walking on stage every day and say: “Hey, you know… Flowey: “what our president has done?” And you’ll all laugh. (I still don’t get it.) *laughter* Flowey: Like how are you laughing now? Cuz I’ve done that for the past 10 days now. Yeah, it’s not that funny Flowey: Is it really (It is) cuz they? Flowey: Yeah, the president’s stupid right? (no) *audience laughing and Flowey laughing enthusiastically* Flowey: Kill me. Flowey: Anyway, here’s our guest: THE GENDERLESS CHILD!! 😀 *cheerful music and applause* Child: Uhhh… Child: Hello? Flowey: Come here, child. *decides to wrap a vine around the child, and the child doesn’t like that (or anything else)* Flowey So glad you can make it on the show! Child: I thought I walked into a Subway. Flowey: Oh, you won’t be doing that child unless you want to kill yourself, *laughs* *audience laughs* Child: I meant as in food. Flowey: *slightly stutters* I know child! (you obviously don’t) Flowey: These audience members came all the way from the surface for this. (They did?) Child: *quietly* How? Flowey: Through the hole. (So they invaded the child’s home?) Child: Then how are they gonna get back? *blank!* Flowey: Well, sh*t I didn’t think about that. (Of COURSE you didn’t! Ur a flower!) Child: Yeah, you’re all gonna die! *why are they even laughing this time?* Child: Yeah it’s funny, isn’t it? *sarcastic laughing* Flowey: So, child, how do you feel being on television 24/7? Child: Delightful. Flowey: *stuttering* How does it feel to kill munsters in the Underground? Child: Riveting. *loss of words! (How can he even talk in the first place? He’s a flower.)* Flowey: Here’s a clip at the karaoke segment we did with the child! 😀 Child: So you’re saying I can get there in 20 minutes? Papyrus-Sounding Creature: YEAH! 😀 Child: Well come on! Hurry up, then! Papyrus-Sounding Creature: OK! 😀 *Party Music* *laughing* *Party Music* Child: Hey, you know I’ve got a pretty big headache right now. *Audience laughing* *Party Music* Creature That Doesn’t Sound Like Papyrus Anymore: SING WITH ME-HEE! Child: No. Creature That Doesn’t Sound Like Papyrus Anymore: SING WITH ME! *Audience laughing* Child: No! Child: That’s it you’re getting one star. (THE HORRORS OF ACTING! 1 STAR!!!!!!!) *thing starts to sing terribly again* *child decides to take over the driver’s seat because why not?* *screams* *laughing* Flowey: How did that feel, child a pretty fun karaoke session huh? Child: The greatest. Flowey: So *stuttering* I heard your dad was a doctor. (Great. A giraffe doctor) Child: Yeah he was. Yeah Flowey: Oh really? Child: Yeah, man. He used to dissect that grass every day. (Since when can you dissect plants?) He was so good in fact, he wouldn’t even use surgical tools. Just used his mouth, why not? He’s got every degree into the sun. *audience laughing* Flowey: That was a good joke, child. Child: What joke? (Wait, so it wasn’t a joke?) Flowey: That’s all we’ve got time for today, folks. Tune in on “Flowey Live” for live coverage of the child on his killing escapades! 😀 Flowey: Tata for now. *looks at child* Wave, child. Wave. Child: For God’s sake, if you shut up, then yes. fine. *waves while audience is cheering* Old Audience Dude: Well I guess the show’s over. Time to leave. *gets vines wrapped around him and everybody else* Oh my! Flowey: Oh ho ho! You ain’t going nowhere! Cuz you guys are all gonna sit there and watch my Flowey the TV show!>:) *audience screaming like girly 4-year olds* *Flowey laughs maniacally* Flowey: Oh, I love this part! 🙂 TV Flower Thing: Ima flower! :D:D 😀 😀 Flowey: *laughs* Classic. Child: Oh, finally! SNOWDIN!!! Child: Hello? Child: What is this? *reads note* “Please don’t hurt my family” “P.S. we are out of milk.” Child: Well, seeing as nobody’s here: *murders a rubber duck* Child: *yawn* Stealing makes me tired. Child: Room for one please. Preferably with steel doors, a bodyguard, a gun, oh, and breakfast! That’ll be great *stares at peanut cardboard cutout thing. what even is my life right now?* Child: Hello? What kind of establishment is this!? (A bad one) Hiring cardboard cutouts as employees? Worst hotel ever. One-star Fuck you. Peanut Cardboard Thing That Came To Life: I’m just doing my job. Child: Oh, yes, lads! Everybody! DRINKS ARE ON- me? *crickets chirp because no one’s in the building* Child: It’s dead! Sans: You alright, mate! (Well, there goes my theory about no one being in here.) Child: Of course you’re here. Sans: I just realized: There are actually technically more nipples in the world than there are people. (Because everyone has two of them.) 0_0 Child: All right calm down Jayden Smith! Well, don’t mind if I do. *sees Papyrus’s face* Why? Papyrus: Sh*t! I was going to go “Boo” and scare you. I was waiting here for nine hours! 😀 NYEH HA! Sans: If a skeleton weighed a few tons. What a single skele-TON be a skele-TONS? Child: Shut up. *Guy walks into a bar like the old days* Guy: Don’t mind if I do. Child: Think you’re the wrong place, mate. Toy Story auditions are down the road. (XD) Guy: So. You’re the one. Child: The one and only God. Guy: You’re the murderer everybody’s hiding from. (Um, because he’s doing the GENOCIDE RUN, IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!) Sans: Oh, “Hide-and-Seek”! I love that game mate! I’m sick at it! Sans: That’s why I call it “Hide-and-Sick”. Cuz I’m sick. *chattering noises offscreen* Child: FYI, your monster friends attacked me first. Guy: That ain’t what I’ve been hearing. (Are you deaf or something?) Child: Oh yeah? What have U been hearing? Guy: I hear a weird kind of clipping noise. *Finds Papyrus biting his fingernails. Oh great. That’s worse than no internet.* Papyrus: Oh! Sorry. *Thinks fingernails taste good* Child: Can you get to the point already? Guy: This town ain’t big enough for the 2 of us. (Great. Now we’re in Texas.) Child: To be fair, It is quite a small town. Guy: Come. Child: What? Where? Guy: Outside. Child: Are you jokin’? It’s FREEZING outside! I don’t think so! Guy: I’ll be waitin’ for u. (Well then have fun getting frostbite, buddy. Hey! Wanna hear a frostbi- nevermind) *freezes and chatters with the cold* Guy: Are u comin’ or not? Child: NO! It’s freezing. I already said that! Child: You can’t be like: *voice imitation* “I’m going outside!” and expect me to actually go outside. It’s not life works! Guy: *grunts* FINE! Guy: We’ll just do the duel in here. Child: Sure. Knock yourself out. Papyrus: Oh, I’m pretty good at that! 😀 *actually knocks himself out* (I don’t think the child meant it like that) Guy: *knocks Sans out* Okay, how am I gonna? *just puts Sans on a table* Guy: You an’ me right now genderless child! Child: Hold on x2. *drinks beer before fighting* *drunk!* Child: Hold on. What are we doing again? Guy: We both stand here like so. Guy: There you go. Now get your guns ready, then we stand here until we feel like shooting. But in the mea- Child: omae wa mou shindeiru *ded by a shuriken* Sans: (Oh he’s conscious again?) When is a draw ever an actual draw? *outro ‘n’ stuff* Contributions to subtitles from tobyMacFan221’s TheTMF (Original Subtitles), Mason (Unknown), and E.K. (Proof reading)

My Poor Bf Presented Me The Latest Iphone. He Stole It From A Child!

Hey! I’m Liz and I’m 18. Do you know that feeling when your parents
think that your significant other is not good enough for you? For some strange reason, in these cases you’ll
most likely ignore them and try to be happy with the person you love. And that’s what I did, but as it often turns
out, mommy and daddy know best. Everything began last year. My parents, as usual, took me to a restaurant
to celebrate the ending of another school year, and all of the sudden the waiter brought
me a Shirley temple. I tried to explain that I didn’t order that,
but he just smiled at me and said it was a complimentary drink from the bartender. I looked at the bar and saw a nice-looking
guy, who winked at me. I saw my dad frown, since he clearly didn’t
like the attention i was getting, but all evening I stealthily glanced toward the bar. When we were about to leave, the same waiter
put a napkin in my hand and mysteriously winked at me again. It was only when my parents and I were already
inside our car, that I inconspicuously unfolded it and saw a phone number and the name “Kurt”
written below it. I could barely wait until my dad parked the
car in our driveway – I was so eager to finally be alone and call my best friend Nellie to
ask her what I should do with that number. You know, because she was kinda more experienced
in relationships than I was. And despite the fact that she told me to ignore
that napkin, I couldn’t help but send a text message to that number. So, Kurt and I began chatting, and then the
next day he asked me out and…well, we began dating. From the very beginning, I never hid the fact
that I was dating Kurt, neither from my parents, nor from my friends. I was telling everybody how courteous, caring,
and smart he was, but none of them seemed to like my boyfriend. I was sure that the main problem was that
he was kinda from a poorer family. Apparently, working as a bartender, he was
never going to make a fortune; and in addition, he lived with his sister and her baby, and
they didn’t have any other relatives, so Kurt was the only one who was able to provide
a living for them. That made me very proud of him, and I felt
bad for him at the same time. I tried to be helpful, so from time to time,
I gave Kurt my old clothes and some toys for his sister and nephew – that was the least
that I could do. And you can be sure that I tried to be understanding
that he didn’t have a lot of money, you know, to take me out to the movies and cafés
all the time. So, I was OK going on a simple walk in the
park or being the one who paid from time to time. My parents were not ecstatic at all about
any of this, and whenever Kurt came to pick me up at home, my dad didn’t even bother
greeting him. But Kurt meeting my best friend Nellie would
be a separate story. You see, for some strange reason, both of
them didn’t like each other, even without seeing each other. I really was hoping for the best while setting
up that meeting, but as soon as we all arrived at the café, Nellie started an aggressive
interrogation. I didn’t even expect that she would be so
tactless to, for example, ask him about his salary, and then mock him saying that THIS
dinner was on her, since he could hardly afford to pay for it. I tried to smooth over her attacks, while
feeling like I was on the chopping block. But then suddenly she jokingly asked if Kurt
had ever had a brush with law, and to my complete shock, he answered yes. Everybody went silent for a moment, and Nellie
even dropped the piece of pizza she was about to eat, so that it fell right on her dress. Apparently, Kurt had finally gotten sick and
tired of this whole meeting-interrogation thing, so he just pulled a few bucks from
his pocket, threw them on the table, and said that that would be enough to pay for our dinner
and then he just walked away. It took me another few seconds to decide that
I needed to find out whether what he had said was actually true. Besides, Nellie’s behavior with my boyfriend
was really offensive to me, so I gave her an angry look and rushed to catch up with
Kurt. The story that he told me was as simple as
one could imagine. He and his sister were once going through
some really harsh times. It happened when she had just given birth
to her baby. They were short on money, and really badly
needed some baby stuff, like, diapers and so on. So, for a couple of weeks, Kurt was stealing
that stuff from the store he was working at. One day he got caught by the boss and got
taken to the local police department. Fortunately, by the morning his boss decided
to not press any charges and picked Kurt up from there, but he had to work for free in
that store for the next 6 months to pay everything off. And, you know what? I was amazed by what a kind and brave person
my boyfriend was. Even though shoplifting is definitely bad,
for me, that time, he acted like a real mature guy who was just trying to provide for his
family. I dunno, having heard all that, all I could
do was hug him and kiss him, and that was the first time that I confessed my love to
him. Later that day I sent Nellie a voicemail,
telling her that story and trying to make her at least feel a little bit sorry for her
attitude towards Kurt, but she kept insisting that something was wrong with him. Of course, after that, Kurt seemed to have
suddenly realized that no one in my circle was happy about our relationship, and it kinda
started bothering him. By this time my 18th birthday was approaching. My parents were getting ready to arrange a
party at our house with lots of friends and relatives. I really wanted Kurt to come too, so I begged
my mom and dad to be nice to him at least for one single evening. And everything was going nice during my party
until the time came for presents. My parents gave me a car – the one that
I had always wanted, and I was so happy and excited about this. Everybody crowded around me to get a better
look at it, while to my surprise, I didn’t see Kurt anywhere. I wanted to call him, but my guests began
coming up to me with their gifts and warm words, so, you know, I just never got the
chance to stop and do it. And when my dad asked where my boyfriend went,
I had to lie to him and say that Kurt needed to go to work that night. But at the same time, Nellie muttered something
like Kurt probably had to run away because he couldn’t afford to buy me anything worthy
for my birthday. Of course, this whole situation seemed pretty
strange, and when I finally managed to escape from my guests for a second, I started calling
Kurt, but his phone was off. Needless to say, this completely ruined my
mood for the rest of the night. In the morning I woke up to a text message
from Kurt, where he apologized for his behavior and asked me to come to his work later that
day. Of course, I felt angry and extremely offended,
but on the other hand, I definitely wanted to hear his explanation. Honestly, I was ready to get really dramatic,
but as soon as I saw Kurt, he smiled at me widely, said how beautiful I looked, and handed
me a box wrapped in colorful paper. It was my birthday present from him, which
turned out to be the latest model of iPhone. Honestly, my jaw almost dropped from both
excitement and unexpectedness. He explained that he felt inferior to my parents
when they gave me that car, so he decided that if he also gave me something expensive,
everybody around me would stop thinking badly about him. So he took all the spare money he had managed
to save and borrowed some more from a couple of his friends to be able to afford that present. And right at the same moment I had a picture
in my head of this poorly dressed sister and her little baby, and I made up my mind that
I couldn’t accept this phone from him. But no matter how hard I tried to be polite
and refuse it, it just made Kurt more furious. I was pretty sure that he didn’t yell at
me right then and there, only because he was at work. He said that he was too busy and, hence, I
had to leave. He never called or texted me that day, and
the next day when I tried to reach him myself, he said that he didn’t want to talk to me
anymore. I felt so bad that I had insulted him. I told Nellie the whole story – I mean,
she was my best friend after all and I just had to get her support – but she only said
that our fight was for the best, and I could finally find someone who was equal to me. She even said that, taking into account Kurt’s
past, she wouldn’t be surprised if he had stolen that phone, and these words of hers
made me totally lose it. I decided that no matter what, I had to go
to his place and apologize in person, and I could even go take that damn phone back
if he still had it. I just didn’t want to lose him. Kurt wasn’t at home at the moment I got
there, so his sister let me in. She looked really surprised when she saw me,
and as it turned out, she didn’t know that Kurt had any romantic relationship at all. We were just sitting in front of each other
at the dining room table and both of us were keeping silent. She was attentively glancing at me as if I
had done something wrong, and that made me feel awkward. I even started to think that I was wrong by
going there, so I decided to leave right when the entrance door opened and Kurt came inside. As soon as he saw me, he turned pale and dropped
the grocery bags that he was carrying right on the floor. That silent scene was broken by the enthusiastic
cry of Kurt’s nephew, who ran out to meet him and yelled, “daddy’s home.” Suddenly I felt as if lightning had struck
me – it was his son. And right at that same moment, that girl,
who I thought was his sister, got totally hysterical and started calling Kurt a cheater. That’s definitely not something that sisters
call their brothers, right? I rushed away from that house and went straight
to Nellie. When I told her everything, she was like “I
told you something was wrong with that guy.” Well, judging by the fact that he has never
even tried to reach out to me to explain everything, everyone around me was right about him from
the very beginning.

Nicky, Ricky, Dicky & Dawn Fun Facts! 🍭 Test Your Quad Trivia Knowledge | Nick

Four times the fun
and four times the drama! [screaming] Here are 28 fun facts
about your favorite Quads! Nicky, Ricky, Dicky and Dawn. But warning,
one of these facts is fake! Whoa, whoa, whoa… Can you spot it? Here we go! Nicky, Ricky, Dicky and Dawn
first premiered on Nickelodeon on September 13th, 2014. Quad hug! The show lasted four seasons
with over eighty episodes. before ending on August 4th, 2018. Well, at least nothing’s ever boring
in the Harper House. The show follows the Harper quadruplets,
aka The Quads! Four siblings who seem to have
nothing in common besides their birthday. Nicky, Ricky, Dicky and Dawn has had
a lot of guest stars over the years. Including Jade Pettyjohn as Rose Dirken
and Ricardo Hurtado as Joey Montagelli. No Montagelli would ever be
anywhere near a Harpooper. Nicky Harper is the innocent one and tries the hardest
to stay out of trouble. Are you crazy? Even if it doesn’t always work. [crashing] His favorite hobby is cooking and he spends a lot of time
in the kitchen. Nicky is portrayed by Aidan Gallagher who has earned two Kids Choice
award nominations for his performance. [inflating] Ricky Harper, played by Casey Simpson, is the brainiac of the group
and not afraid to show it! Ow! You don’t just dump chemicals
into a beaker willy nilly. He is very mature for his age and gets frustrated
when his siblings are… Well, not as mature. Good parenting, Dad,
they deserve it. Casey Simpson has been nominated twice
for his performance as Ricky and even guest starred as Harris Evilman
on the Nickelodeon show The Thundermans! I’m a super villain. Dicky Harper, played by Mace Coronel,
is the cool kid of the group and considers himself a ladies’ man. Hey, babe. Let’s make science. He doesn’t have brains
like his brother Ricky. Oh… And is often the reason
the Quad’s plans fail. Dicky is lactose intolerant
and the only Quad with brown eyes. His main interests are his looks,
his charm and girls. Dawn Harper
is the only girl of the group and the only one
whose name doesn’t rhyme. She is the oldest of the Quads and the self-proclaimed
leader of the group! Dawn is portrayed by Lizzy Greene who has racked up three consecutive
Kids Choice award nominations for her portrayal of Dawn. – High five!
– High five! In real life, Lizzy Greene is a gymnast. In the episode Ballet and The Beasts, that’s her actual leg
she’s holding against her face. I can’t get my leg down. She was able to do take after take
of the scene all on her own. – Impressive.
– Thanks, no biggie. The head of the Harper Household
are parents Tom and Anne. – Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.
– Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. Tom is a classic goofball dad
who is obsessed with trains and, well… A lot of things. She’s mine! He and Anne run a sporting goods store
called Ski Cool where the Quad frequently hangs out. [groaning] Tom Harper is played by Brian Stepanek who happens to be the voice
of one of our other favorite dads, Lynn Loud Sr. from The Loud House. Lynn Loud Sr. checking in! Anne Harper, portrayed by Allison Munn,
is the matriarch of the Harper family. She is quirky, just like her husband,
and known for her competitive nature. Woo-hoo-hoo, yes, yes, yes! Her full name is Chantal Anne Harper
but in the show she just goes by Anne. She is one of the few characters
who has appeared in every episode of Nicky, Ricky, Dicky and Dawn. Allison Munn was pregnant
with her second daughter during the filming
of the entire first season of the show. Those were 28 fun facts about– Wait a minute,
one of those facts was fake! Did you figure it out? If you knew that
the Harper’s sporting goods store is actually called Tom’s Get Sporty
then you were right! Spatch five! Whoa! Bonus fact! Do you remember
The Wonderful Wizard of Quads? – Ow!
– Ow! Well, that’s really Lizzy
singing in the episode! ♪ D-O-R-O-T-H-Y
Why don’t you stop living that lie? ♪ ♪ I don’t need to tell you why
I’m Dorothy, I’m Dorothy ♪ Which fact surprised you the most? Let us know in the comments below!

If Undertale was Realistic 15

March 14, 2020 | Articles | No Comments

Child: Ah! God damn it, I just got my hair done yesterday! Flowey: Child! Child: Loser! Flowey: Nope, Flowey but close. Flowey: I was just watching some past recordings of ya. As much as I like to watch it 24/7, I do have a social life too. Child: What does that include, photosynthesis? Flowey: More like photoshoot! With all the stars, and the honeys! Child: So photosynthesis? Flowey: Yeah, photosynthesis, yeah anyway, going off track here, huladeli.. I watched the way you treated that snow couple.. A-and the way you broke the Ice Cap’s thing’s limbs, I-I mean the show is great and all. And it’s not a big deal, ’cause I can just revive everybody afterwards, but I think you took it a bit too far! And that’s ME saying that! I MEAN GOD DAMN!!! I just made a dead baby joke out of a miscarriage- Child: how does that work? Flowey: My friend, She gave birth, she went to carry the baby, but she didn’t carry it very well. Miscarriage. Child: I don’t think you know what that means, do you? Flowey: .. I’m just saying, Child, you’re kinda scaring me a little bit… Child: Hey, this was YOUR idea. And if I could end this right now, I would kill you in an instant! Flowey: Whoa, there, boy. Like I said, I’m a god down here, Child. All I’m saying is, ease up on the violence, okay? I want this to be PG-13. Child: How ’bout “screw you?” I’ll do what I want. Flowey: Aww, look at you, Mr. Moody Teenager. Child: Fuck off! Flowey: Aww, no, you’re gonna run away from home? You gonna go for a frat party? (Child throws random can at Flowey) Flowey: Ow! You’re adopted!!! (As if that’s gonna do anything..) Child: Stupid Flowey. Listen up, this is important!! ^-^ Hope you’re enjoying the video so far! Aaron: HOI, I’m Aaron, you enjoy my muscles?? (Makes out with muscles @[email protected]) Aaron: This is Teresa & this is Trevor, they like to cuddle like this. Aaron: Check out my Instagram page! 90K FOLLOWERS! Aaron: I’m AUTOMATICALLY better than you! Child: Oh, nice man! I’ll follow ya! Aaron: Oh, will you now? Child: Yeah! Follow you to your grave. Aaron: Hahaha! All the steroids I took make my balls miniscule! Good luck ki-
*dies* Tem: HoI, wElCoMe To ThE tE.. Child: Give me a beer and talk normally or I will kill you. Tem: ..Here is a beer, sir.. hOI- *death groan* *chugs*
*DOWN IT, LAD!!!* Flowey: Child, what did I just tell you? Child: (Probably drunk) Shut up! You’re not my real dad! Flowey: Dammit, Child, you’re scaring my cousins! Flowey’s Cousin: Why did she have to die, Mommy? Flowey’s Cousin’s Mom: BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T EAT YOUR VEGETABLES!!!!!! Child: You know what’s funny? Flowey: …What? Child: It’s like you think I give a shit! Flowey: Hey! You already used the gun! Child: Oh, you didn’t get the memo? I DON’T GIVE A SHIT! Flowey: Child! You already killed someone that way! Child: You kill me, everybody dies. And your TV show ends. Then what? Flowey: CHILD! Child: You won’t stop me, and you CAN’T stop me! Flowey: We’ll see about that, ya little nincompoop! Flowey: HOOLIDALI! *grunts* Flowey: Oh shit! Child: Huh, where’s your hoolidali’s now? Flowey: Shit, gimme that chicken! Random Chicken: But I AM a chicken! Flowey: Well.. Gimme you then! *chicken noises & gets swallowed* Flowey: Damn, you got PROPER triggered then. Child: I think I need a lie down, and several back massages from strange exotic women. But then again I wouldn’t be attracted to women as I am genderless. Child: I have no genitals or any motivations to have sexual intercourse with anything EVER. Geez, my life is depressing. Flowey: I’ve been watchin’ you, child. You’re the most triggered individual I know. Child: HoW dArE YoU InSuLt Me LiKe tHaT??!?!?!?!?! *Groan* Oh god, my head. Thanks for the bed, Napa…nap ..ff..fff…ghost thing no one likes. Lad: I’ll always be with you lad! Child: I love you lad. *gorilla sound* Hello? HELLO!?! I KNOW YOU’RE THERE! *scream* Toriel: Oh I told you.. I told you, didn’t I?! I told you I would get my REVENGE! Child: GOATMILF! TRIGGE- Toriel: Your triggers won’t work this time, child! I know your weakness now~! Child: Oh shit. I FEEL LIKE A POKEMON! Toriel: Oh, no… the only thing you’ll feel like is a pinata, when I string you up and beat you..! Over and over… Child: GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU CRAZY FARMYARD ANIMAL! Toriel: *Psychotic Murderer Laugh* Nyahahaha! No! Nope! Na-ah-aaaah! Child: I’m screwed! FUCK! Toriel: There is a reason I’m not on the farm anymore… What do you think happened to the farmer? Child: I’m guessing he retired and had people work for him, and now he sits at home and plays Xbox all day and loves life to the fullest? Toriel: Nyeheh…You’re funny..! NYAHHH! (Undyne? Is that you?) Yahahaha…. What are your last words, child? Child: GO BACK TO GOAT SIMULATOR! Toriel: I… hate… that game..! (Death noises) Child: Yeah, who doesn’t? Papyrus: BUT IS HE GOING TO BE ALRIGHT? Doctor: I don’t know.. but judging by the results- Papyrus: WILL HE BE FIT TO BE MY BOYFRIEND?!? (Chill, Papyrus!) Child: .. I don’t wanna be anybody’s boyfriend.. Papyrus: HE LIVVVVES! And he wounds me so! Alphys: *Pig* Thank the anime gods! Sans: Mate, you almost died! You bellend! Doctor: If it weren’t for your friends here, you’d be dead. They’ve been performing CPR on you for hours. Even after you were brought into the hospital, and there was no need for CPR. But they still kept on doing it. *oink* Child: Alphys, why? Papyrus: Erm, it was actually me! Child: Why couldn’t you have let me die!? Doctor: Now, I’m not gonna lie to you child, this surgery, um- Child: Do it. Doctor: But I didn’t even tell y- Child: DO IT. Doctor: Ooookay, then. Sign here. Sign here. Sign here. Heheh, that tickles. We’re gonna prep u for surgery now.Count back to 10. Child: 10- *Child: snores and Paps gives CPR.. HE WANTS TO DIE!!* *surgery sequence, giant cheeseburger, kung-fu.. Dead cows.. Surgery ON the cheeseburger.. Failure.exe.. Eat.* Alphys: HE’S AWAKE! Papyrus: YEESS! Sans: YES, LAAAAADS! Down it, d o w n i t! Doctor: So, your surgery was a success. Child: Is that so? (Why would he lie? I get it, child is sarcastic for everything.) Doctor: Indeed.You now have 2 peg legs. Child: Wha-?! Doctor: That’s the surgery I was trying to tell you- Child: PEG LEGS!?!?!? (Calm down, you’re a pirate now!!! :3) Doctor: Like I said, that w- Child: PEG! LEGS! MY LEGS ARE PEGS! D:

If Undertale was Realistic 16

March 4, 2020 | Articles | No Comments

You know what, I’ve killed too many innocents. I need to stop getting triggered, And give these monsters a real chance. [HEAVY BREATHING] This is gonna be hard. I ‘m rehearsing for my parts. [BREATH] In the stage play OF STAR WARS [BREATH] Oh, it’s Darth Vader. No it’s Luke Skywalker! [BREATHING] What was that noise? A HUMAN!? Undyne, it’s me. NGGAHHHHHHHH [HEAVYBREATHING] You’re making this real hard TO NOT STAB YOU IN THE THROAT RIGHT NOW! Luke, *breath* the Jedi are stupid [HEAVE] That was not in the movie. DEH DARK SIDE IS PRETTY COOL THOUGH [BREATHINGHEAVILY] Okay, that might have been in the movie. NOOOOOOOO!!!! [OBNOXIOUSBREATHING] Okay, I seriously can’t take anymore of this. DIE DICKHEAD! I will protect you! *bitchslap* [SCREAMOFDROWNING] How dare you kill Monster Kid!? *snort* Actually you killed him. But it was because of you that he was standing there *snort* And he jumped in front of em when he died and he fell and Is that you Alphys? *snort* No It is I, ALPHYS THE UNDYING! Is that Undyne’s spear? Sh-She let me borrow it, okay? Highly doubtful. Flowey? Already on it! My pleasure. I know I’m supposed to be your ally, but you killed so many monsters! So? I’m just scared you’re gonna kill all the cats, and there’d be nobody to milk! Wow, what a great motive. TASTE MY DIRECTIONS! *shameless self plug* Hey guys we’ll be right back, but first you gotta check out the brand new game it just came out this week, on IOS and Andriod! It’s called Pixel Field, I’ve been playing on this really crappy, Four-year-old android and it’s been working just fine. It’s a free, first person shooter and it’s actually the very first mobile game EVER to have a Battle Royale mode, which is my favorite type of game. Let’s just jump right in here! There’s a bunch of multiplayer game modes. It has like, Death Match, Domination, Boss Raids, Pig Apocalypse! (Pig Apocalypse? What the f***) Uh, it even has a spec-ops mode. Which is like uh, Counter-Strike Go meets Team Fortress, Where you choose your class and try to defuse the bomb. Again, but my favorite mode is the Battle Royale mode that just came out. The game is free to play, but it’s not a pay to win. I repeat, it is not a pay to win game. The development team actually told me that they’re working really hard to make sure the game is balanced based off of skill, practice, and experience and not based off of money. So keep that in mind and just like usual you still can buy skins because it is a free game. But just in case you can’t afford that you can still earn cases and rewards like other games. Let me open a case real quick, I’ll show you what I am talking about. So so so, I’m opening this-uh, this case… Oh! It looks like I got a teleporter. Okay, that’s nice we got a, boss case over here so in the boss case, oh cool a skin! It’s a christmas skin. For a chick, it looks like. Okay that’s kind of cool, I’ma- let me equip that- yeah, there’s uh- all these kind of skins here, so it’s really cool. But I’m just going to use this christmas chick because I just- I just earned it. Another pretty cool thing about this game is that it’s the very first video game ever, to be released with a song that is 100% written by Artificial Intelligence. So, that’s kind of cool. And if you comment on the video below That you want, uh-some free coins, I’m gonna give free coins, to three people, two dollars worth of free coins to three different people who comment on the video below. Oh yeah, also I don’t have any friends in the game yet so [him so lonely] Uh, Please add me. Actually within the first two hours that this video is first released on youtube, uh-I’m gonna be jumping on the game and I’m gonna be playing with whoever’s on there, uh, so add me. My, my name is SmashBits ID number is: 2442796. Oh, yeah and this is a paid promotion, obviously, but it’s, still definitely a pretty cool mobile game so check it out. And don’t forget to add me! I’ll see you in Pixel Field. – Take a left here.Then a right. THEN A RIGHT AGAIN! And now left. Then take a right here, Go across that round-about thing, And take a left again, go straight across, That’s right. And wait for the traffic lights, wait for the traffic lights KRH emeRGENCY STOP! Take a left! Haha! *snort* Did you enjoy all the directions child?! I’ve had worse, not gonna lie. FOR THE CATS! *unrealistic human sound effects* FOR THE CATS AGAIN! [insert slow clapping in the background] Fiddlesticks…. Uh, excuse me, one second. *snort* This is Undyne speaking. Hey Undyne, um- Oh hey Alphys. I hate to bring this up now, especially if I’m uh *SNORT* interrupting Finding Dory time… Eugh, please don’t be mad at me… Oh I could never be mad at you. I lost your spear. I fuCKING HATE YOU!!! You said you wouldn’t be mad at me! *snort* Boo. [spooked] Oh no, you made me shake uncontrollably! Oh no, when this happens I can’t stop and I keep shaking around like this- *SCREAMS* *ded* Oh, lodged in there Muffins! *death sounds* I’m gonna write that down as death by milkage. That is a great word. [insert gay music here] Ooh! [insert gay music here] It evaporated. The cup also evaporated. DIE! DIE! DIE! Here’s your Grambedies. Thank you, have a wonderful labity-dabity doBITY DABITY [unintelligible nonsense] Stop talking! Sorry! Oh, how’s it going child? Are those Grambedies I see? Labitiy plibity? So, you found the Grambedie stash huh? Grambedies? Oh, no way! What even is a Grambedie? Hey, congrats on finding your stash by the way. Bye bye friend! Labity fuck. So, you found the stash behind the bush behind the river? Bush!? It was in a hole, dummy! Labity Dabity! And you just took the bait, dummy. Uh, it just bought me and my wife a new condo. Maybe I could make some more Grambedies and pay you back. Oh, what’s wrong? Are you scared of me? No, uh-I just- it’s just rumors I mean there’s no way a child like you could- [Screaming and munching] HELP ME SOMEBODY LABITY DABITY DOBITY DABIY BITY Hey, I could help you now. *grunts* HELP SEND YOU TO HELL! LABITY DABITY! But first, I need those Grambedies! Being evil is tough work! AND I’VE GOT NO MONEY TO PAY FOR COFFEE! LABITY DABITY DOBITY AH FUCKING JUST STEAL THINGS! I MAY BE AN ASSHOLE BUT STILL WILL PAY FOR COFFE! Fair enough. LABITY DOOBITY! Skinned right on my non-existent balls. LABITY! DABITY! DAPITY! DAPITY! *ded* C’mon. Cough ’em up. *wierd vomitting sounds* labity dabity…. Good boy! Now come with me. I don’t like being a dog! Labity barkity! We’re gonna wash away all that bad blood between us. Woof woof? [laughter] CHILD WHY!? WE WERE BUSINESS PARTNERS! Let me give you some business advice. Never shit on your doorstep. LABITY DABITY IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I couldn’t hold it all in! That time it was so far away, labity doobity! NO! NOOOOOOOOOO! – Labity Doobity, dabity, boobity, doobity, dabity, dead. Ah, there we go. Worked up a sweat there- wooo! Hey you wanna buy a towel? Yes Five Grambedies Thank you! This is like GTA. When you get a prostitute, and then you kill them after. *slow laughter* *psychopathic laughter* Wooo! Holy Jerusalem, my ratings are falling faster than the fatalities in this place. The child’s killing all my god-damn viewers! If this keeps up, I’m not gonna get any more sponsors! And I like getting my free jars of peanut butter… [DOOR SLAM] Oh, it’s you. You know why I’ve summoned you. I need you to end… THE CHILD! DUN DUN DUNNNNNN! Okay, you can leave now. Oh my god, you broke my door! Look at my face. LOOK AT IT DO I CARE. Yes…? Okay, maybe a little bit. Think I messed my hair up a little bit walking through the door like that. Oh, never mind, I still got it. Y’know, back at the zoo? I was the most stared-at animal for a month there once. No way! I’m so jealous. The most I get stared at by is that wall over there. Hi. By the way, if you’re looking for Alphys, she’s like- Dead, yeah, by milkage. Oh, I was gonna say evacuating the citizens, but- Can you stop staring at my ass, please? [laughter] So are you like, gonna kill me, or- Yes. You’re supposed to lie or something, that’s so mean of you. You are going to die. What if I like, teleport you through this whole section of the game, cause this part sucks, let’s be honest here. That would be great! FABULOUS! See you friend! Toodles! Oh, yeah, one more thing. If I see you again, I will cause you the most suffering the underground has ever seen. Ah-Okay! See ya child! *dramatic realization* Can you stop? [REALISTIC SOUND EFFECT] Oh great. Encountering fish is my favorite past-time. Nyyyyaaaaah. Godamnit! What do you want? Flowey sent me. Why is he shcared? Yes, actually, we all are. I trusted you. Should never trust anybody. Not even your grandma. I.. I worshipped you. Then bow down, peasant. All I wanted was to help you. Then help me by GOING AWAY! All I wanted, was to see you succeed, with as little casualties as possible! Can’t be helped I’m afraid. I am QUITE the monster now. But you… *laughter* You said butt. You’ve killed so many innocents… Eghhh, innocents is a bit of a stretch. Can you stop for THREE SECONDS! CaN YOu StOp fOR thReE sEcoNDS Hey, that was three seconds. You killed my weird dinosaur girlfriend! So now you’re turning on me too. Great! I guess I’m having fish for dinner. I don’t think so! *kick* NYAHHHH [AWFUL SCREAMING] OH GOD HELP ME CHILD PLEASE! [PAINFUL SCREECHES TO THE EAR] OH GOD IT’S ALREADY MELTING MY FISHSTICKS [SCREAMING] [PAINFUL CRIES] *laughter* Mmm! *crunches* Mm mm mm! *swallows* Hello? Mister? Thank you so much! You’re a hero! Thank you so much sir. That’s what you get! YOU DAMN FISH! You guys want some? Fuck yeah! [intense slobberfest] Enjoy strange family. Oh, by the way, if you start feeling really weird, that’s just the poison I put in there. You’ll probably die in about two hours or something. [laughter] [whistling] Oh, excuse me, don’t touch that area, it’s sensitive! Can I book a flight, please? I’m sorry sir, but all flights are currently unavailble. Can I perhaps direct you to the nearest other airport? Sure? Let’s have a look here for you… Oh there aren’t any! Hahaha! Yeah, your life sucks. Hey, what are you- You can’t go inside me! You need my consent! Uh, this is your captain speaking. Uhhh, could all genderless childs please vacate the plane? THERE’S A FIRE ON THE PLANE G-G-G-GO! THERE ARE SNAKES! THERE ARE SNAKES ON THE PLANE! OKAY, THERE WERE SNAKES ON THE PLANE! Hi yeah um, do you know when we are taking off? I have got a really important meeting to get to. I’m sorry sir, we’re trying the best we can. Here, have a wet towel. To do what with? EH! EH MY ASS *yawns* This is your captain speaking! Um, the flight has been delayed, forever. Due to unforseen animals on the plane. D- HEY! Oh no! You’ve taken over control! Thanks for the narration. 1, 2, 3, GO! WOOOOOHOOOHOOOO! [grumbles] Hooowahh! My feet! Let’s see what this bad boy can do. IT”S A WOMAN Woooahhhh! I’m not feeling good…! What does this do? Ooh! I didn’t even need the mavern mats! Yaaaaaayyyy! NOT AGAIN! *airplane puke* A plane with motion sickness? How did you get the job? With my mouth? Of course. Huh, what are you doing? My arms! Well, this had been pleasureable. Have fun sucking your way out of this one. I don’t like you anymore! I’ll take that as a compliment. SEE YOU LATER BABYCAKES! THIS IS SO MESSED UP ON SO MANY LEVELS! And this little fly had for breakfast, and this little fly had for lunch- OH GOD! AHHHHHHH! *huge explosion* Aaaahhh. Hi, can I have a pillow please? Thank you. Gotta love first class. Hey guys! If you’re one of the first two people to watch this video, Do not forget! I’m gonna be playing Pixel Field, Saturday morning when this video is uploaded. Send me a friend request, and let’s play the game! I’m mostly going to be playing Battle Royale, but I might try out a couple other games too. So let’s play that game together, and also! In case you didn’t know, hit the bell button below. There’s uh- a lot of people don’t know this but the subscribe button doesn’t notify you of every video we upload. Youtube determines which of our videos they think you deserve to see. If you want to take back that control, if you want to be notified of every video we upload you wanna hit that bell button below. We’ll see you next Saturday, Unless we see you on Pixel Field, Goodbye!