Author: Gladys Carroll

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Vir Das Recommends Bollywood Films | Netflix Is A Joke


If you’re gonna watch our movies, young and old, the first
movie you must begin with is a movie by the name
of Amar Akbar Anthony. Non-Indians, let me take
you through the plot of this badass Bollywood movie. (audience laughs) The year was 1977. Three baby brothers
were separated at birth because in the 70s, that’s
just shit that happened every day. (audience laughs) You could not find one
responsible maternity hospital in all of India. We just treated babies like IKEA products; we unpacked them and threw
away the paperwork immediately. (audience laughs) Now, these three brothers. One grew up to be a Muslim,
one grew up to be a Christian, one grew up to be a Hindu. Muslim fell in love with a Muslim, Christian fell in love with a Christian, Hindu fell in love with a Hindu. Because even in fiction, we
shall not dilute the race. (audience laughs and applauds) It has the greatest cinematic
miracle I have ever seen. So check it out: the mom is blind. (audience laughs) Now at some point, this lady
goes to a Saibaba temple. Saibaba is like a chain-smoking guru. She prays to his statue. We’re gonna pretend
like I didn’t say that. Fuckin’ stay with me. She prays to his statue. Saibaba’s statue’s eyes light up with fire which floats into the mom’s eyes and that chick can see again! (audience laughs and applauds) Why are we wasting our time with Hinduism, Christianity, and Islam? Saibaba is doing Lasik
surgery on a daily basis. (audience applauds) What a movie, man. Three brothers who look
nothing like each other at all. Nobody ever spoke about this. Not one brother was like, “Hey, mom. (audience laughs) “How popular were you in college, mom? (audience laughs) “I mean, I know you’re blind “but could you not recognize Dad’s… (audience laughs) “Like, could you give him
a password or something?” He comes into the room like, “Marco!” You’re like “Colo!” I don’t know, a system! A system! (audience claps) My career is over; it’s fine. (audience laughs) The next movie you must watch
is a movie by the name of Dil Chahta Hai. (audience cheers) This is our first realistic
coming-of-age story. Three boys. One gets a job in Australia. One falls in love with an older woman. One exists. (audience laughs) The reason I like this movie is it redefined the wedding
interruption scene forever. See, in Bollywood, we interrupt weddings because who cares about what
the girl actually wants? (audience laughs) White people have a clause for this in their weddings, right? At some point, the priest goes, “If any man here should
object to this union, “let him speak now or…” Audience] Forever hold your peace. Forever hold his peace. Now in India, we can’t work with a clause because that requires punctuality. (audience laughs) So we interrupt a wedding
whenever the fuck we feel like it with the greatest line
in cinematic history: Yeh shaadi [Audience] Nahi ho sakti. Nahi ho sakti. Translation: this wedding cannot happen. (audience laughs) Look at the arrogance! Not this wedding should not happen. Not this wedding might not happen. This wedding cannot happen. (audience laughs) And nobody ever counters
that shit with logic, right? Nobody’s every like, “Bro, look around. There is a tent and a bride and a groom and a pundit and a fire
and vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce and a pasta station. It’s happening, bro.” (audience laughs and applauds) “These things do not
randomly come together on a Tuesday for no reason.” (audience laughs) That’s the reason I love this movie; it simplified it so much. The boy, Aamir, shows up at
the girl Preity’s wedding. Aamir is like, “Hi.” And Preity’s like, “Hi.” (audience laughs) And then her fiance,
Ayub, shows up, right? And Aamir is like, “Mm-mm.” And he stops. (audience laughs) And then they leave. And the movie’s over. Who the fuck are you– Iron Man? What happened? (audience laughs) It was so efficient! Just vote for Congress, bang the girl. That’s it. (audience laughs) (upbeat music)

ASMR FRIED SHRIMP+CALAMARI+FRIES MUKBANG (No Talking) REAL EATING SOUNDS | SongByrd ASMR


Hi, fellow birdies! Today, I’m having fried seafood! Be sure to like, comment, and subscribe! Let’s start off with some classic french fries! These are by Great Value. I’m dipping it in cheddar cheese sauce. Nice and crispy! The cheese adds a rich flavor. I air-fried the fries at 400 for 10 minutes. Let’s try a calamari ring now. They look like onion rings! What a crunch! This is fried squid. So I guess you can say I’m eating squid for the 1st time! The taste reminds me of shrimp tempura. Rather fishy, but pleasant! I’m going to eat some jumbo butterfly shrimp next! Delicious! That cheese sauce just makes anything taste better! This shrimp and calamari are by Seapak. You can eat the tail since it’s fried. But I chose not to for this meal. A lot of you were requesting seafood. So I’m glad I found some new items to try. If you guys like crunchy sounds, this video is full of it! By the way, the cheddar cheese sauce is by Great Value and can be bought at Walmart! This was a major feast, but I was very hungry for it! What would be your favorite from this? I would personally pick the camalari. It reminds me of onion rings so That cheese sauce can be messy if you don’t watch your bite! I personally like shoestring fries more than the other varieties. Although waffle is also a good choice. I was debating whether I would have enough cheese sauce for this feast. But I think it’ll be fine! How many fries do you dip at a time? I like varying it up! I usually enjoy fried shrimp with soy sauce. It can go with a variety of choices! Every time I take a bite of this meal, I feel like I’m literally in heaven. While I eat eating this, I got a huge craving for Captain D’s Seafood. We have one right down the road! This food is giving my jaw a much-needed workout. LOL I think if my son had been here with me for this meal, he would jump on the fries. He loves ketchup with them. But I’m not sure ketchup would’ve worked for the calamari and shrimp. LOL I swear, I could eat these fries all day! Sometimes I have to mentally tell myself, work on the other items, then finish the fries! I wish I could share this meal with you all! If I could describe the taste of fried shrimp, it’s like eating crunchy breading that’s meaty and fishy! But the flavor is enriched with the cheese sauce. A perfect combo! Even though calamari is squid, it surprises me how much it tastes like the shrimp. Raise your hand if you like big bites! I’m saving some of the best items for last! And I want to use up that cheese sauce! Now it’s on to the fries! Will I have enough cheese sauce? Only time will tell! I’m thinking I barely will! It depends on how much I use per bite. LOL Last of the fries, going down! So happy and good! What a meal! See you next time! Bye, birdies 🙂

ASMR PEPPERONI PIZZA+ONION RINGS MUKBANG (No Talking) REAL EATING SOUNDS | SongByrd ASMR


Hi, fellow birdies! Today, I’m having Pepperoni Pizza and onion rings with ranch dip! Be sure to like, comment, and subscribe! Let’s start off with an onion ring. These are by Red Robin and can be found at Kroger! Great crunch and definitely onion taste. I air-fried these at 400 for 10 minutes until browned! The ranch dressing gives the onion rings a tangy taste. There are a few types of onion rings sold in our area. But I keep coming back to these. They feel more authentic. Let’s dig into this pizza. It’s a rising crust pizza by Digiorno! So good and gooey! It does leave a messy mouth, but it’s worth it! The cheese is a plus. The pizza also has pepperoni on top. It gives it a bold, spicy flavor. It’s a slight smokiness! Tastes even better with ranch. Gotta have that classic combo! I saved the other half of the pizza for my husband. Our son doesn’t like pepperoni 🙁 We’re hoping he’ll try it someday, though. It’s among the best! I typically stick to thin-crust pizzas. So this was a new experience for me. Proud to step out of my shell! Even though it’s not a thin crust, it still has a slight crunch to it. Which I love! I had a hard time deciding whether to have more onion rings or another slice of pizza. LOL. They’re too good! Do you like onion rings? If you haven’t tried Digiorno, you should. Best brand! What do you like to dip your pizza in? I also recently bought two other kinds of rising crust pizza. I can’t wait to try them for a video! This was my lunch, so I was very hungry! One funny thing about my son is that he doesn’t like eating the crust. I know of a few who don’t, though! That pepperoni piece almost slid off LOL Some of Digiorno’s pizzas contain cheese inside the crust. Now that’s exciting! Kind of makes me wonder what they’ll think of next. You never know! By the way, what’s your favorite kind of pizza? Let’s finish off the last onion ring. I saved the best sound for last! I was tempted to eat it in one bite, but it would’ve been too big! Happy and satisfied. What a good meal! See you next time! Bye, birdies 🙂